Discover
by XrioluluX
Summary: Comashipping and Ikarishipping. Paul starts to doubt his strong relationship with Dawn and question his sexualtiy. Then he sees Ash again and everything changes, answering his questions. But even more are asked... M for some lemon and lime.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my best peice of work so far. Here's all that info you need to know:**

**character ages: will be named in story**

**rating: M for a few lemons and lime. That's not the focus of the story, tho.**

**POV: Shinji's. (Paul's)**

**list of shippings:**

**main shippings: Ikarishipping, Comashipping**

**other hinted/mentioned ships: Advance, Pearl. But barely any. don't worry about it if you dispise any of those ships. it won't be a problem for you.**

**I hope you like this fic so far as much as I do! This was the only fic that I've worked a few days on a single chapter of. I made this absolutely perfect. Please enjoy it and please, please, reveiw it!**

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Discover

Life hasn't been easy the entire time I have been alive. I didn't need something to double it up. I didn't need more to think about. I didn't need anything else to bother me. Too bad something like that happened anyway.

I guess you could say Dawn started it. Even that wouldn't be entirely true. Actually, when I met Dawn things started getting better. I met her seven years ago, back when she was ten and I was twelve. She always wanted to know my story; she always wanted to know why I'm never happy. Why I am how I am. She would ask me at every opportunity she got, but I would never tell her. Until one day I decided I wanted her out of my hair, and I just spilled. I was tired of her begging, plus there was something about her. Something that made me want to be with her. Something that made me need to tell her. She listened, paying great attention. When I was done explaining my life to her, she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. "I'll be your best friend. I'll be with you forever." At first I thought this was annoying, pathetic, even, but I warmed up to her eventually and we've been close ever since. 'Best friends' You could say. Whenever I was around her she would make me feel good. It made me want to be with her more and more. I never dared show it to her, though. I didn't know what would happen if she knew I felt that attached to her.

Eventually, our relationship turned to romance, and we began to date. At the time, it was the best thing that had happened to me. Three years ago. I still remember it clearly. We were at my house, on the couch, watching TV. I was sitting up and she was laying down, her head in my lap. I was tousling her hair, practically caressing it. She suddenly turned over, so that she was laying on her back and no longer facing the TV screen. She looked up at me.

"Paul?" She said. Her voice was quiet and questioning.

"What?" I looked down, staring into her eyes. They were a clear crystal blue, and I had to look away, slightly, to keep myself from getting lost in them.

"Well…we've known each other for four years now…and I think I should tell you something." She began, twisting her fingers around, nervously.

I grabbed the remote and muted the TV, making it easier to hear what she was about to say. "What is it?"

"Um…I've liked you…like, as more than a friend…for awhile now." A blush spread across her face.

"Really?"

"Y-yeah. I just thought I'd tell you. It's not a big deal…and I don't want it to ruin our friendship or anyth-"

I cut her off with "I like you back." That was my first mistake. I can't really blame myself though, because I thought that I liked her. I really thought I liked her. I actually believed it. When I said that, her face lit up and she gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen. "Ask me out then!" she said cutely.

I couldn't refuse that look, that smile she gave me. "Um…okay. Go out with me."

"YES!" She sat up and threw her arms around me, embracing me tightly. I slowly wrapped my arms around her, and closed my eyes. My lips curled to a smile. At that moment, I forgot about everything else. It was just Dawn and me that mattered.

Since then, our relationship has gotten much stronger. Our first kiss was only a day after we became an item, which I also remember clearly. We were in a movie theater, watching some stupid chick flick she dragged me into. I leaned over and whispered that I was bored. She smiled at me and whispered back "I'll give you something to do." She grabbed my wrist with her left hand and placed her right on my shoulder. She kissed me gently. I kissed her back. Second mistake. I was throwing myself into deep trouble, and the worst thing was, I was enjoying it.

After that, our relationship snowballed fast. And now we're seventeen and nineteen, and still together. I really wish I wasn't questioning it so much. I should be as completely devoted as she is. But I'm not. The problem is, I'm starting to question my sexuality. I never thought I could be gay, but now I feel like I am. I don't really feel an attraction to Dawn anymore. Or at least, not as much as I used to. When she kisses me, when she touches me…it just doesn't feel as good as it did a year ago. And I don't get erections as much around her anymore. I guess that means she doesn't 'excite' me enough. I don't want to be gay, really. I like Dawn, a lot. She's really nice, and I can trust her. I want to be with her. But I don't love her like she does me. I just see her as a girl. A really, really nice girl. A girl that's been close to me for years. That's in love with me. But I can't break up with her. I don't want to hurt her that much. I really don't. Plus I'm not even sure that that would be best. I'm not one hundred percent sure I don't like her romantically. I don't want to destroy something I may miss once gone. But I'm pretty sure I don't love her.

I need to stop dreaming. At this rate, I'll be marrying her in two years. I'm in a position I'm sure many guys would kill to be in. I've got this beautiful girl that loves me to death. I've been dating her for three years. Any guy would love to be me. So why am I not satisfied?

I want to talk to Dawn about it. But I know that if I do she'd hate it. Hate me. She wouldn't be able to take it. She's the only one I have. I don't have anyone else to talk to. My family abandoned me, and I don't have any _friends_. I used to talk to her about everything. But now, I'm on my own. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. Lost and alone. Even when I'm with her, I feel alone.

"Paul!"

She's calling me. Where is she? Oh, downstairs. I forgot that I gave her a key to my apartment.

"Coming, Dawn!" I called back. I took one last look at myself in my mirror. I stared at my eyes. I hated that weak look they possessed. I needed to be stronger. I didn't like seeing myself so weak and helpless. That just wasn't me.

"No, I'll come up there!" She called back, and began walking up the stairs, to my bedroom. I knew why she was here. I knew why she was coming to my bedroom. I knew well.

"Hey." I said when she walked into my room and closed the door behind her. She was wearing a dark blue tank top with lace, and short jean shorts. Last year, I would've gotten hard just looking at her.

"Hey." She replied, taking off her sweatshirt and hanging it over my headboard. She sat on my bed. "How are you?"

"Okay. You?" I sat on the bed next to her.

"I'm good." She replied. She slowly took hold of my arm and began kissing me. I forced myself to close my eyes and kiss her back. She continued to kiss me while snaking her arms up my shirt. She broke away from my lips to take my shirt off, then continued to kiss me. She ran her hands up and down my chest, then pushed me. I fell backwards, landing on my back with her on top of me.

I pushed her off of me and turned to my side. I shoved my hands up her shirt, grabbing what I found. Something small inside of me wished I she wasn't here right now. It wished I didn't have to do this. But I pushed that to the back of my mind and ignored it. It's not important.

She stopped kissing me and took off her shirt. She then unhooked her bra and took that off. She lay back down. I knew what she was waiting for. I knew she expected me to touch her. She expected me to squeeze one of her breasts wile sucking on the other. I knew the drill. I took her breasts in my hands and began massaging them. She placed her hands on my stomach and drove them down my pants. She felt around for a few moments, then said quietly: "Paul."

I knew what she was going to say. But I gave in anyway. I stopped licking her and said "What?"

"Why isn't it hard yet?"

How was I supposed to answer that? "How am I supposed to know?"

"Um…I don't know…sorry." She took her hands out and began to take off my pants, so I helped her. I threw them on the floor, along with my boxers. She took off her shorts, revealing pink satin underwear that was lined with lace. She slid them off and dropped them on the floor. She did the same with her underwear.

I know what she wants.

She then latched onto me, kissing and biting my neck. "I love you, Paul." She said quietly, seductively. "I really love you."

I didn't say it back. Whenever I do, I feel guilty. As if I'm lying to her face. Which I am…kind of. If I meant as a friend, I would be truthful. Sadly, that's not what she means.

She continued to stroke my…um…softness. She wanted it to be hard. Because then we can do it. Half of me didn't want to do it. But the other half wanted to. Some people day that gay men can't have sex with girls. If that was true, then I'm not gay. Because if we've done it once before, and I'm sure we're about to do it again. If I did it with Dawn one more time, I would know if I really like it or not. Last time it wasn't the best experience. But they say that the first time is never good. So maybe this time I'll like it. Maybe.

"Paul, really, something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong with me." I replied dryly.

"It's still soft."

"I know that."

"What's wrong?"

"I told you, nothing."

"This is the third time this has happened."

"I know that." What, did she think I have short-term memory loss? But it's true, the first time we attempted to have sex my dick wouldn't harden.

She made this high-pitched whiney sound.

"Sorry…"

"I really thought we were gonna do it today."

"The day's not over yet." Why the hell did I say _that_? I should've sent her home. I should've said 'not today'. I should've gotten off of the bed and put back on my boxers and pants. But I didn't. I didn't.

"Is it gonna get hard?"

I wish she would stop throwing me these kind of questions. "I don't know. Probably."

"Good." She kissed my cheek.

'When did I ever say I wanted to do it?' I could never ask that. But that was what I was wondering. I really feel like she's dominant here. It's always the guy that's leading the girl on and the girl that questions it. That's pathetic.

She sat up and crawled to my hip. She bent down and began licking my groin area. When that has no effect, she took it in her mouth and sucked on it. That did it. I began to get hard as she let go and smiled to herself.

"I did it!" She whispered.

"I know."

"So let's do it!"

"You sure?" I thought the girl was supposed to be the one to 'not be ready yet' all the time. She's more ready then I am.

"Positive." She picked her shorts up off the floor and dug into one of the pockets. She pulled out a condom. "Here." She handed it to me.

I put it on. I'm starting to wonder where she gets all these. Every time it's a different color.

I took a deep breath. "Okay." She lay down as I sat up and kneeled over her. I gingerly spread her legs. 'Stop. Stop right now. Get off the bed. Tell her no.' But I didn't listen to whatever was saying that. I concentrated on getting my hardness in the right place. It was a lot harder then it looked. I don't even know how I managed to do it so easily last time. I finally got it in, and began to slowly push, then thrust.

Oh god…

I lay on top of her and continued to thrust. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me to her.

"Faster…"

I honestly wasn't really controlling what I was doing. But I did my best to speed it up anyway.

"I love you…I love you…" By the way she said that, it was obvious she was greatly enjoying it much more than last time.

But…

I wasn't.

I got off of her and pulled off the condom. I threw it in the trash and lay next to her. She held on to me and nuzzled my shoulder. "Oh, Paul! That was amazing! I love you so much, Paul, _so_ much!"

I really wish I didn't feel so guilty. I _really _wish I didn't feel this guilty. Why can't I enjoy the sex I have? Oh god, there are so many things wrong with that statement.

I think I may just have to accept it…I may be gay.

I don't want to do this again. But I know Dawn will want to. How am I going to get out of this? How…?

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**I love it so much. I love that feeling I got in there. the whole thing seemed kinda dark. I love that. Shinji is so fun to write the POV of. don't worry, it will get more of a storyline and less of a 'this happened a few years ago' in the next chapter. Ash will also come in in the next chapter. Oh, and there will be less lemon. The whole thing isn't going to be lemon.**

**Please, please, please, reveiw! I hate it when people add the story to their favorites without reveiwing it first! even if you say "good". that's only four letters. or "great" that's only five. seriously i dont care. it doesnt have to be a detailed reveiw. I just like reveiws!! **

**than you for reading this story! I hope you'll stick around for the rest of it!**


	2. Chapter 2

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Finally! chapter 2! I worked hard on this. I hope you like!

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I grabbed the shampoo off of the shelf and squeezed some onto my hand. I rubbed it through my hair, then stepped under the running water to rinse it out. I let the water run through my hair and slide down my face, then down my body. I didn't want to feel so guilty. I can't rally understand why I do. It could be because I feel more like Dawn's my sister. Or because I think I could be gay, yet I'm dating Dawn anyway. Or because I haven't even talked to her about this at all. There are more reasons, I'm sure, but I'm not sure as to what they are. Or how to word them. Or something. This is all too confusing.

The doorknob turned, and the door opened. Who the hell is it?

Oh, it's Dawn.

Oh, it's _Dawn._

She walked in and closed the door behind her. I need to take that key away from her.

"Come in." I said, simply.

"Paul, do you have plans tomorrow?" She asked me.

"Uh…no. Why?"

"Didn't think so. Because you're going out to lunch with me and Ash."

"What?"

"Oh, Ash invited me to lunch. I didn't want you to think that I was cheating on your or anything, so I asked if you could come. He said sure." She explained.

Ash? The pathetic looser that was with Dawn when I first met her? _That _Ash "The Ash I know?" I asked her to clarify.

"Yup. Him."

Yup. Him. "Is he bringing his girlfriend?"

"He doesn't have one."

Something inside me jumped. "Okay. Are you sure you want me to come?"

"Yes! Of course I want you to come! Plus it wouldn't kill you to make a few friends, you know."

"I don't know if Ash can be my friend."

She laughed, and said, "Of course he can!" I didn't know if she was laughing at me or not, I couldn't see her face through the frosted glass shower doors.

"Whatever. I'll come."

She was quiet. She was probably smiling. The pause was long and uncomfortable, until she broke the silence with: "Can I come in there with you?"

Leave it to Dawn…

"Uh…I guess."

She was quiet. I could see the silhouette of her undressing through the frogged doors. She slid the glass door open and stepped into the shower. She closed it behind her. She slowly placed her hands on my chest and began kissing my lips. I returned her kiss and wrapped my arms around her wet bare back. She let her hands slide down my body. They landed between my legs, where they remained and explored. I took that as a cue to do the same to her. I placed my hands on her hips, then slowly slid them down to her groin area. She giggled in delight, then pushed my hands away. I wondered what the hell she did that for until she kneeled down and shoved her mouth between my legs. When it began to harden and erect, she stood back up and smiled at me cutely. I know what she wants. I know what she wants…

She handed me a condom.

I know what she wants…

She leaned against the tiled wall.

Should I give it to her?

Yes.

I have to.

I put on the condom and walked up to her.

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I was in my kitchen, making some dinner for Dawn. She wanted pasta, and I happened to have some. She was on my couch, watching TV, in a bathrobe. My bathrobe. I was in jean pants, with no shirt. Why am I the one making dinner while _she_ watches TV? Isn't this supposed to be the other way around? And why is she even here? Or, why am I letting her stay here? This isn't her apartment. She doesn't live here. I live here. I should kick her out. I should say "Put on your clothes and get out of my house."

But, of course, I'm not going to.

My relationship with Dawn is really messed up.

No, it's just my life that's messed up.

I scooped the pasta from the pot into a bowl. "Dawn, your dinner's ready!" I called.

She switched off the TV and rushed to the kitchen. "Thank you, Paul!" She kissed my cheek and took the bowl out of my hands. She took it back to the TV room and sat back down on the couch. I lazily flopped down on the couch next to her. She was watching some movie that I had absolutely no desire to see.

"Do you want any?" she asked me, taking a bite of her pasta.

"No." I replied. "I'm not hungry."

"Okay." She continued to eat it until it was about half gone. She then placed the bowl on the coffee table and lay down, placing her head in my lap. It reminded me of when we got together. On my couch, watching TV, her head in my lap. I placed my hand on her head and began playing with her hair. I placed my other hand on her neck. Did she put lotion on it? Her skin was surprisingly softer than the rest of her body. I gently glided my fingertips over her skin. I suddenly wanted to kiss her neck. Why did I want to kiss her neck? I thought I established that I'm not drawn to Dawn. So why do I want to kiss her neck so much? I brushed her hair to the side and off her neck. When was the last time I kissed her neck? A long time ago, I guess. I really shouldn't want to kiss her neck this much. Yet I do...

I slowly bent down. When my lips hit her skin I began kissing her, then sucking on her. I couldn't get enough. I began biting her skin and licking the mark. Her skin was so soft…

I lifted my head, panting. I stared at the wet red bite mark I had made. It seemed to ruin her perfect skin. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm gay on minute and straight the next.

Maybe I'm a vampire, that's why I bit her neck.

Okay, now I'm just insane.

I looked down at her. She hadn't moved at all. It's only eight and she's asleep. She's going to think I took advantage of her when she wakes up with that hicki on her neck. Then she will be mad at me. No, I know Dawn. She would say something like "I wish I was awake for that, Paulie." in a seductive voice. She would crawl into my lap and place her hand on my chest. Which is bare.

And when you look at her, the last thing that will come to your mind is that she's a whore. No, no. Dawn looks like a sweet little girly girl. But she's really not. I wonder if Ash still sees that sweet little girl image she shows off.

Speaking of Ash, I wonder how pathetic he is by now. His pokémon are probably all just as weak as they were all those years ago. He's a disgrace.

Then why am I so excited to see him? I am _not _excited. This is…an illusion. Fake. Not real. Inexistent. I am imagining it.

Maybe I just haven't talked to anyone but Dawn in a few years…

Or maybe…

No.

No.

I am _not _interested in the potential that will be built for a relationship.

First of all, Ash would never be attracted to me. Even if he was gay.

Second of all, I am currently in a relationship.

Third of all, that Ash is so dense he probably _still_ hasn't gotten feelings for anyone beyond friendship.

Why am I even thinking about this? Maybe Ash is a jerk. Maybe he's only nice to Dawn because he's known her most of his life. Maybe he shuts himself out to the world and only knows one person.

Like me.

I don't think Ash is like that.

I think he will want to be my friend.

I don't want to be his friend. I am perfectly happy with no friends. Paul doesn't have _friends. _I am fine the way I am.

I know. I am not fine at all.

Maybe meeting Ash again will be good for me.

But what if…

No, that would never happen. I don't even want to think about that happening. I will never have feelings like that for him. I can just scratch that possibility right out because I won't let it happen.

I won't let it happen.

I looked down at Dawn again. Her hand was loosely gripping my jeans and she was smiling to herself in her sleep. I gently lifted her up and carried her to my bedroom. I gingerly set her down. I pulled off the blankets on the other side of the bed, then placed her there. I put the blankets on her and stared at her for a few moments, then turned away and walked out of my room, turning off the light behind me.

A few hours later, I walked into my room. She was still asleep. I'd hate to wake her up and make her go home. That's something I would've done when I was thirteen. I sighed and walked to my closet. I took out some pajama pants and changed into them. I got into my bed. This was odd, for Dawn and I had never slept next to each other before. Whenever we are in a bed together we are touching each other. And we've only been together all night once, and even then we didn't get any sleep. I'm sure Dawn will be overjoyed to see me next to her when she wakes up.

It's going to be hard for me to get to sleep tonight.

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**yeah i know, Shinji is a little OOC. Sorry, guys, I thought Ash was going to come in in this chapter. Looks like you'll haveta wait until chapter 3. I promise, in chapter 3 Paul and Ash and Dawn will meet up and there will be an actual storyline. xD please review chapter 2!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for taking awhile, but here it is. The chapter where Ash and Paul meet. yay! :D Be excited! feel the excitement! and have fun reading! reveiw this chapter please!**

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The morning light streamed through my windows and across my bed. I closed my eyes tighter and turned my head away. What time is it? And why hadn't I closed the blinds last night? And…and why the hell is Dawn here!? Oh, right, I remember now. I sighed, as I went over what had happened yesterday. I pushed all thoughts of my sexuality to the back of my head. It was not the time to debate if I'm homosexual or not. I glanced at Dawn. To my surprise, she was still asleep even after the light filled my room. She was turned to me, and her face was nuzzled into my shoulder. I wondered if she had woken up in the middle of the night and cuddled me, hoping I would wake up. I can see that happening. I waited for her to awake for a few moments before I ran out of patients and thought about getting up. I didn't want to wake her up. And, if she wakes up to see herself in my bed, without me there, her reaction would be unbearable. I have to stay here. But God, am I bored out of my mind. I looked at Dawn again. She seemed so peaceful, so calm, so…happy. I reached my hand over my chest and to her head. I began to play with her hair. It was so soft…silky.

I guess I pulled it or something because she woke up not long after. My hand stopped. She stared at me for a few seconds, then sat up and looked around. She lay back down after she found out where she was.

"Paul…?"

"You fell asleep…and I didn't want to have to wake you up and make you go home…so…"

She kissed my lips, cutting me off. "That's so sweet, Paul!" She said to me.

"Um…yeah. What time are we going to meet Ash and where are we going?" I asked her, when it hit me that she had never told me the details.

"Oh…twelve…thirty. At that…little lunch…and brunch…place down…the street. What's it…called again?" She wasn't concentrating on what she was saying. She was too busy kissing my bare chest that I hadn't bothered to put a shirt on.

"Okay." I glanced at the clock on my bedside table. "We have an hour. We should get up soon. It takes about fifteen minutes to get there."

"O…kay…" She continued to kiss me and showed no signs of stopping.

"Dawn…are you going to get dressed?" That's when it hit me that Dawn was naked. The bathrobe that was loosely around her body must've fallen off or something. I suddenly felt trapped. Nervous. I wanted to get out of the bed and give Dawn clothes. Even if they're mine.

"My clothes are dirty." She looked up at me.

"I-I can give you some o-of mine." I told her and sat up. If she knew her clothes were dirty how did she expect to get to that lunch place down the street?

"Um…sure." She responded. "I'll have to get my underwear and bra from your bathroom though."

I had no idea what she wanted me to say to that. "Um…okay go ahead."

"Okay." She got out of my bed and walked her naked body to my bathroom. She came back with black lacey undergarments on her perfect body. I was out of bed, standing by my closet with it's doors open.

"Come here and pick an outfit out." I said to her.

She walked over to me, and looked at my wardrobe. She didn't seem impressed. She looked from side to side, then back again. Eventually she picked out a light purple shirt and the smallest jeans she could find. The outfit was a little baggy, but wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. "How do I look?"

"Not bad at all." I told her.

She smiled at me. I then took a black shirt from my closet and pulled it over my head. I took out some dark jeans and changed into them.

Her smile disappeared as she looked at me sideways. "Do you have to wear all black like that?" She asked me.

"I like to, yeah." I answered.

"But we're meeting someone. Can't you wear something…more friendly?"

Me? Friendly? She must be joking. "What would be more _friendly _to _wear_?"

"I…I don't know. Something not so…dark."

"I don't really have anything bright and cheery." I grumbled.

"Hmm…" She pushed me aside and looked through my closet some more. She picked out an old green polo that I didn't even know I possessed. "How about this?" She handed it to me. I changed into it. It was tight, probably because I hadn't worn it for at least a year. "You look great!" She exclaimed.

"It's not too tight…?"

"That makes you look sexy." She explained. "And it matched the dark jeans. Oh, and keep those buttons undone." She said, when she saw me trying to button them. She moved my hands away. "They're sexy, too."

"Fine." I gave in. I glanced at the clock. "We've got forty minutes. More like twenty-five because it takes fifteen to drive there."

"What should we do while we're waiting?"

"Brush our teeth?…Wash our faces…?"

"I don't have any of that stuff here. And we can't go to my house to get them because it would take too long."

"Well I'm going to go do that." I told her and walked to my bathroom. I splashed cold water onto my face. I looked up at the reflection of my tired eyes in the mirror. I splashed my face a few more times and rubbed soap around. I rinsed it off. I looked back in the mirror. I looked no different. I was still a cold, heartless, queer person. I quickly brushed my teeth and went back to Dawn.

"Paul?"

"What?"

"Please try to be nice to Ash."

I had never said I was planning on being hostile. I was actually planning on getting to know him a little. "Okay. Whatever."

"I don't want him to think you're not a good person. I don't want him to judge me by the impression he gets from you."

Selfish. "Dawn, I said okay."

She studied my face, as if she was trying to read a lie. "Alright." She said eventually. "We should probably get going."

I nodded and walked with her across my apartment and out the door, locking it behind us. We walked down the hall to the stairs and down three flights. We then walked out of the apartment building and to the parking lot, where I located my car. I unlocked it and opened the passenger door for Dawn, closing it behind her. I walked around to the drivers' side and got in.

"Now where is this place again?" I asked her.

"Just take the road for about two miles." She answered. "There'll be a sign on the left."

"Okay."

"There it is!" Dawn exclaimed when we reached the restaurant. I pulled into the parking lot and parked in the first spot I saw. It wasn't very hard to find one, the parking lot was empty other than three other cars. A boy that looked about eighteen was standing beside a black Honda. He had hair that matched the car, and his eyes were a dark brown. He was wearing light blue jeans and brown flip-flops. Dawn hopped out of the car and ran into his arms, embracing him tightly. That must be Ash. I slowly got out of the car and walked to them. His shirt was a blue tee that was about as tight as mine. Through it, I could see that he was very much in shape; he had a six-pack. Did he always look like that? I don't remember that. Would I have remembered something like that? Or would I have even paid attention to something like that back then? Some small part of me wondered what he would look like without that shirt on. I shook it off.

"Ash, you remember Paul, right?" Dawn said when she pulled away from Ash.

"Of course! How are ya, Paul?" He held out his hand to me. I shook it briefly, then returned it to my pocket.

"Alright. You?" I returned.

"Very good, very good." He answered. "Now," He said to Dawn, "Let's go eat, I'm starved!" And with that, Dawn and Ash were playfully racing towards the door while I took my time with my walking. I thought Ash would be a bit more mature than this. I don't remember much about him, but I do remember that he was an immature and pathetic looser. I can see why I would think that back then. But maybe I didn't even give him a chance. Maybe he could be a good guy.

"Hey Ash, where's the hat you always wear? Do you not wear it anymore?" Dawn asked him once we chose a table and sat down. Yes, this excuse for a restaurant doesn't even have a hostess to seat you.

"Eh, May took it." He replied.

"I thought you didn't have a girlfriend?"

"No, no. I'm not dating her. She's my friend. But she likes to steal my stuff and wear them around for a day or two. Then she gives them back. My jacket and hat are her favorites."

"Ah, I see."

"Now that I look at you, you're not dressed like you usually do, either." He pointed out.

"Oh, yeah, I fell asleep at Paul's house last night, so I had to borrow his clothes." She explained.

"Alright." I can tell that he tried to give me a look, but ended up just glancing at me. Great. He already thinks I'm a mindless pervert that can't get enough sex from his girlfriend.

They continued to talk like the old friends that they were while I was bored out of my mind. I kept looking for things to focus on. The inside of the restaurant was rather bland. First of all, it only had one room, and no more than ten tables. It had yellow wallpaper that was faded and peeling at some spots. The carpet was a hideous green color and was incredibly flat as if it had been stepped all over for a decade or two. I kept looking around, as if I would find something interesting the next few times I looked. I managed to find a spider, spinning a small web in the corner. I watched it for a few minutes until I decided it was almost as boring as watching paint dry.

After what must've been at least fifteen full minutes, the waitress finally came over to our table and took our order. I decided not to get anything. Judging by the appearance of this place, the food can't be good.

Obviously Dawn and Ash didn't seem to mind. Ash got three waffles with extra bacon and Dawn got a pancake platter with sausage. Surprisingly quickly, their food came and they both ate it as if they had never eaten before. If Ash always eats like this, it's a wonder why he's not two hundred pounds by now. How did he manage to get such a sexy chest?  
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. Why did I just call his chest sexy?

Okay, Maybe because it is really sexy.

After that though, I began to study Ash. His skin seemed perfect. It was the best shade of tan imaginable. His hair looked soft, and I wanted to run my fingers through it like I do to Dawn. I found myself imagining Ash and I on the couch in my apartment. I would be sitting up and he would be laying down, his head in my lap. I would be playing with his hair. Then he would wrap his arms around my neck and pull me…

Ugh. Why am I imagining us kissing?!

"Earth to Paul!" Dawn screamed. I glared at her. "Are you alive in there? You majorly spaced out."

And thank you, Dawn, for embarrassing in front of Ash. "I'm fine, Dawn."

"Okay." She replied. "He's like this a lot." She explained to Ash.

Thank you again, Dawn. You're a real great person.

After that, nothing else really happened. Ash paid for Dawn's meal and we walked out to the parking lot. Ash and Dawn hugged goodbye. Ash told me he'd be looking forward to seeing me again. He walked to his car while Dawn and I walked to mine.

"Hey Dawn?" I said once we both were inside.

"What?" She asked as I turned the key.

"Can I drop you off at your house?"

"What?! Why!?" She shrieked. "You don't want to be with me!?"

"I just want to be alone for a little bit, okay?"

"Paul!"

"Dawn! I want to be alone."

"Paulie!"

"Give me two hours. Just two hours. After that you can come. Got it?"

She hesitated, then gave up. "…fine."

After dropping her off at her house and having to sit through a syrup and sausage-tasting kiss, I was finally alone. I sighed, and tried my best to concentrate on my driving. Once I was at my apartment, I had some serious thinking to do. I had to many questions in my head. There are too many things that I need to know the answer to.

But I'm pretty sure I'm gay.

When one thinks up the things that I thought up, he is gay. That's just how it is.

**Keep looking for chapter 4! I will keep writing! I hope you liked! and dont forget to reveiw! tell me what you thougt of it, and if you wanted me to add in more romance or not. I wasn't sure what to do in the beginning there...lemon or not? lemon or not? well, it turned out how it turned out, so please dont be all "omg u should've done lemon!!" becuz then u will hurt my widdle feewings. :'(**

**thankx for reading!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**It took me so damn long to write this because I had one idea, wrote it down, then changed my idea at the last minute. So I wrote that one. I hope y'alls like it. And I'm sorry it took so long.**

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The minute I got back to my apartment, I locked the door behind me and collapsed on the couch. I feel like a child. With a stupid little childish crush. Aren't I too old for this? All of this pathetic "oh, I hope he likes me! I hope he likes me!" And then there's what all the wanna-be emo kids say: "He'll never like me!" It's all for little kids. Not nineteen-year-old men like me. It's times like this when I really want a drink. But Dawn made me stop drinking four or so years ago. She didn't like the way it made my mouth taste, plus she was worried about my health. Maybe if I hadn't stopped she would've broken up with me. But then, I never would've met Ash. Well, I would've known him from when we were kids, but I never would've bothered to see him again. Where would I be now If Dawn had broken up with me at some point? Would I have gotten another girlfriend? Would I be dating a…guy?

Suck this. I need to forget about all of it. At least for now.

I stood up and walked to the door. I opened it and stepped out, locking it behind me. Like it even matters, Dawn has a key. There's no one else would want to come in. I walked down the hallway and down the stairs. I arrived outside and walked to my car. I got inside and began puling out of the parking space that I was in.

After nearly an hour of traffic, I finally arrived at my destination. I was surprised that I remembered how to get there after a few years. But there's not much else that I need to remember. I parked my car and grabbed my wallet. I opened it and flipped through. I hadn't bothered to do this beforehand. Shit! I forgot my fake ID. But, luckily, I had fifty dollars stashed in there. Whatever. Fake ID or not. It doesn't really matter. I got out of the car and walked in the direction of the door.

"Paul? Is that you?" A voice called out.

I turned my head to see a figure standing against the wall, smoking. "Oscar. Yup." I replied.

"It's been forever, Paul! I thought you'd dropped drinking for good!" He stumbled over to me. He must've had some drinks.

"Ugh. Girlfriend's fault." I explained. "But things are getting bad, so I decided to come here."

"Oh. That sucks. She breakin' up with you?" He guessed.

"Total opposite."

"Ah."

I met Oscar at this bar. He's a regular alcoholic. He comes here every week, at least twice a week. I wouldn't consider us _friends, _but we do know each other.

"Hey, do you know where my fake ID went?" I asked him.

"Your fake ID? Oh, yeah, I have it, still. Remember? You gave it to me last time you were here."

"No, I don't remember. I was probably drunk."

"Oh. Right." He fumbled around in his pockets until he pulled out my fake ID. "Here. You'll need this."

"Thanks." I took it from him. "You gonna drink?"

"Already did. I'm taking a smoke break."

"Obviously." I started walking in the direction of the door once more. "Well, I'm gonna go get something."

"Have fun." He replied. "I'll drive ya home if ya need it."

"I don't think I'll need it." I walked into the bar, using my fake ID to grant access. I bought myself a beer and began chugging it down. It felt so good. I've missed it. I bought myself another, and drank that one. Then another. Until my vision began to blur, and I began to have trouble standing up. I tried to get money to buy my next shot (who knows how any I've had by now?) but I couldn't concentrate enough on my wallet to pull out any money. Oh. Duh. That was because there was no money left. So I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall. I closed my eyes and tried to stop the room from spinning so fast.

"You don't need it, huh?"

"Shut up," I slurred. Oscar can get really annoying.

"Man, you are _wasted._" He exclaimed, as if I didn't know that and needed to be reminded. "If you try to drive yourself home you will _kill _yourself."

"Might be all for the best anyway." I sighed.

"What happened? Did you get her pregnant or something?" He sat down next to me. He had a beer glass in hand. I wanted to take it from him and drink it down. But I couldn't bring myself to lift my arm and try to grasp it.

"No." I told him. "I found out I'm gay."

"Sucks for you." He said, taking a sip of that beer that I want so much. "And you won't break up with her because…?"

"She'd kill me. She's all I got. I don't know anyone else." I never thought I'd actually talk to someone about this. But once I started I couldn't stop.

"You know me. But, y'know, I won't date you or anything. I'm straight."

"I don't want to _date you_, Oscar." I clarified.

"Just making sure you knew that."

I winced as my head began pounding. "Give me that." I told him.

"What?"

"Your drink. Give it to me."

"Whatever." He said, handing me the bottle. I drank the rest of it down hungrily and gave it back to him. Maybe what he was drinking wasn't beer. Because it burned as it went down my throat. That's just great.

"Yuck." I slurred. "What was that?"

"You are so drunk." He laughed at me. "Vodka."

I moaned and clutched my head once more.

"You _sure _you don't want me to drive you home?" He offered.

"Yes. I don't need help."

"Sure you don't. In the paper tomorrow under 'deaths' is gonna be your name."

"I don't care."

"I think you do."

"I don't."

"Who do you like, anyway?"

"What?"

"You like anyone?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, since you found out you're gay, you must like someone, right?"

"Is this really your problem?" I asked, glaring at him.

"No." He said. "But I'm interested anyway."

"Whatever." I pulled my knees to my chest. "That guy that my girlfriend is friends with."

"Oh shit." He laughed. "That sucks that your girl knows 'im."

"That makes me feel so much better."

"Sorry."

"It's okay." I sighed. "There's not anything really that can make me feel better. Since the beer didn't really work."

"Dude, I think you should break up with your girl and date that guy."

"I think you should go to hell and leave me alone, but thing's don't always work out perfectly, now do they?"

"That was a pretty smart statement for a drunken man."

"Shut up." I said as my head began to pound again. My stomach lurched dangerously. I moaned.

"Don't puke on me." Oscar said, as he leaned away from me.

"I'm not gonna throw up." I declared. Although I wasn't so sure what I was saying was true.

"If you say so." He sighed. "How exactly do you plan to get home, anyway?"

"I dunno." I slurred slowly. It became harder and harder for my eyes to focus. So I closed them.

"I keep tellin' ya I'll drive ya. But no. Mr. Paul has to drive himself."

"You're drunk, too." I pointed out.

"But not nearly as much as you." He countered.

The loud ringing of my phone woke me up from my relaxed state. I felt around my pockets until I found it, and tried to read the caller ID.

"What does it say?" I asked Oscar.

"'Dawn,'" He told me.

I put it back in my pocket. That's when it occurred to me that it had been way more than two hours. Dawn had probably made her merry way to my apartment, and strolled inside, just to see that I wasn't there. Not that I cared.

"That you're girl?" He asked me.

"Yup."

"Why don't you answer it?"

"I'm drunk." I answered. "She'd know where I am and come get me."

"That's not a bad thing, is it?"

"Hell yes, it is."

"Man, if you don't let anyone come and get you, you'll never leave. You'll be kicked to the streets and just lay there until some cop finds you."

"So be it."

My phone rang again, and this time I didn't even try to get it. I knew it was her.

Suddenly, the world around me began to spin, and then slowly turn black.

"Paul?" I could distantly hear someone – Oscar? – calling to me. "Paul? Am I loosing you?"

Then the blackness took over my vision, and I fell to the ground and threw up the beer that my fifty dollars had gotten me.

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"Paul?"

mmm?

"Paul!"

Someone was calling out to me.

"Paul!"

But who? The voice was high, tight, desperate.

"Paul! Please, Paul, wake up!"

I tried to open my eyes. But it was no use. My vision was far from clear. So I closed them again.

"Paul! Paul!"

Is that…Dawn?

"Paul, please! Don't do this to me!"

Yeah. That's Dawn. She sounds as if she's crying, too. Why is she crying? And why does she want me to wake up so badly?

"Please, Paul!" She squeezed my hand tighter and placed her head on my chest. "Please wake up. I love you too much. Please."

I am awake, damn it.

She continued to cry on my chest. I pried my eyes open once more. I blinked a few times, trying to make the blurriness release me from it's grasp.

"Paul!" she exclaimed (way too loud) as she lifted her head up (way too fast). "Are you awake?"

"Mhmm," I tried my best to muster.

"Finally!" She squealed (again, way too loud). "How do you feel?"

"Horrible." I managed to say. "W-what happened?"

"Oh, sweetie, I'll explain that once you feel better." She said. "You want anything for your head?"

Once she mentioned it, my head began to ache. "Mhmm."

"Alrighty. Stay right here." She told me as she dashed out of the room. I tried to look around. First of all, I was on a bed. This room was familiar. Duh. That's cause it's my room.

Dawn returned with a glass of water and some Advil. She placed them on my bedside table and placed her hand behind my back. She helped me sit up, and propped me up with the pillow. She then gave me the Advil and water. I swallowed the Advil, nearly choking on them. She then took the glass of water from me and placed it on the bedside table. She crawled into the bed with me and sat into my lap, leaning against my chest.

"You really scared me." She whispered. "I was really scared."

"What happened?" I asked her again.

"Do you want some toast?" She asked, ignoring my question.

"No." I told her. "Now," I said slowly, "what happened?"

She sighed. "Some person called me and said you needed help. He said that you were passed out at the bar. So I came and got you."

It all came back to me. Damn that Oscar. He probably took my phone from me and called her after I passed out.

"You're lucky that they did. Or else I never would've found you." She said, tearing up slightly. "When I came in here and you weren't here…I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. I called you and you didn't pick up. I nearly had a heart attack."

I couldn't decide if I wanted her away from me, or if I wanted her closer. I wrapped my arms around her and pressed her to my chest. I felt her cry on my shoulder. She seemed so weak at that moment, so vulnerable. I nuzzled the top of her head and breathed in the smell of her shampoo. It smelled good.

That really is the reason why I don't break up with her. She's all I have. Without her, I probably wouldn't survive.

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**I'm sorry that Ash wasn't in it. He will be in the next one...**

**anyways, please review. Oh, and don't bash in your reviews. I recieved a review that was bash and it made me sad. So please: if you have nothing nice to say, don't hit the review button. thank you!**


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry! Here it is

"Paul?"

"Paulie?"

"It's past noon, honey, I think you should wake up."

Noon? Wasn't it _just _early in the morning? How early? Seven? Eight? Nine?

"Paul?" She ran her fingers across my chin lightly.

"What?" I grumbled. I always hate it when she wakes me up.

"Oh, good! You're up!" I opened my eyes to a bright smile across her face. "You were sleeping for awhile, there, so I thought I should wake you up!"

Sleeping…? Oh, I fell asleep. When did that happen?

"I have a surprise for you!" She smiled sweetly. "But I have to set it up at my house. Then I will call you and tell you to come over. Mmkay? Or do you not want me to leave?"

I honestly couldn't answer that question. Half of me wanted her to remain next to me, in my arms. But the other half thought it would be nice if she left me alone for a change. After some thought, I decided to let her leave. I would be seeing her later, anyway. "Sure. Go."

She kissed my cheek, then slid off the bed. "I'll call you the minute I'm ready! Then you can come on over? Okay?"

"Okay." I watched her walked to the doorway, look back to give me a smile, then walk down the four stairs and across my apartment. She went out the door, closing and locking it behind her. I took a deep breath. This silence…it was both refreshing and lonely at the same time. I closed my eyes, ready to continue my nap. If I was lucky, I wouldn't hear the phone ring when she called me.

Just as I was about to drift off into the darkness of sleep, the phone rang. "Shit…" I muttered and slowly got up. I took my time with walking to the phone. When I finally reached it, I picked it up. I didn't bother to look at the caller ID. I knew who it was.

"What?"

"Paul?"

Oh _Shit. _My heart nearly stopped as I heard the sound of his voice.

"Yeah." I tried to keep my cool the best I could as I walked to the couch, attempting to relax.

"Hey! It's Ash. How'r ya doing?"

I couldn't quite understand how he displayed so much energy just with his voice. I could almost see him slightly bouncing up and down. "Not bad."

"Awesome. Hey, Paul, I was thinking that we should get to know each other better. You doing anything right now?"

I'm asleep and dreaming. He would never say this. He probably thinks I'm an asshole. Why would he want to get to know me better? Just because one of his friends is dating me isn't reason enough.

"No, I guess not." I answered. Whatever Dawn was setting up could wait.

"Alright. Well, can I drop by then?"

"To my apartment?"

"Yeah."

"Um…sure."

"Sweet! I'll be over in five. Maybe ten, if the traffic's bad."

"Great." I wasn't being sarcastic, but I was too tired to make my voice seem excited in the least.

"See ya."

"Bye." I pressed the 'end' button, then threw the phone onto the carpeted floor. Ash was coming to my apartment. _Ash was coming to my apartment. _Weather this was a dream or not, I was liking it.

I sat in silence (for what seemed like _way _more then the thirty-five seconds it was), until I decided to turn on the TV. I watched it for fifteen minutes until the doorbell rang. I moseyed over to the door and opened it. The first thing I noticed about Ash was how short he was. He was about half a foot shorter than me. Why didn't I notice that before?

"Hey!" He greeted me as he stepped into my cluttered apartment. I closed the door behind him as the began walking towards the couch. He sat down, and I joined him; making an effort to leave a respectable amount of space between us.

"So." He said, looking around. "Nice apartment!"

Was this a joke? I thought he'd at least have something to say.

"Thanks?"

"You're welcome!" He exclaimed, missing the questioning edge to my voice. "But there is a reason as to why I wanted to talk to you."

Okay. So there _was _a reason. I was beginning to think it was something stupid, like money he needed or how awesome I thought Dawn was.

When I didn't say anything, he continued. "I want to be your friend." He said quietly.

Pardon? My friend. My _Friend? My _Friend?

"I think you'd be a nice guy to get to know." He said, blushing slightly, and concentrating on the phone that I had thrown to the floor.

"Really?" I asked, careful not to fall for it completely.

"Yeah."

"Alright. Let me know more about you first. Do you have a girlfriend?" I knew I was pushing it. But I wanted to know more and more about him the longer he stayed in _my_ apartment, and on _my_ couch.

"No." He said reluctantly.

"Why don't you date that May girl?"

He hesitated, then said "she's just a friend," quickly.

"Okay. Is she your ex?" I could tell that my questions were making him uncomfortable. But I needed to know the answers.

"No." He said so quietly that it was almost a whisper.

"Really?"

"Stop asking about girlfriends, okay? I've never had one, and I never will, got it?" His expression quickly changed from anger to pure regret and surprise as he slapped his hands over his mouth. He had just confessed something.

"What do you mean?" Asexual? _Gay? _No….

"You heard me. I'm not turned on by girls."

I just looked at him. He seemed perfectly straight to me. He was one of those boys that play a million sports at school and always have girls on their arms. How could be not be attracted to girls?

"I'm gay, got it?"

I tried not to spread a huge smile across my face like a moron. But I was overjoyed.

"You got a problem?!"

"No! No. I'm fine with it." I said. That was an understatement.

"Good." His voice softened.

This was where I was supposed to tell him that I think I could be gay. This was when I would tell him my secret. But that's only if this were some kind of perfect movie. Just because Ash is gay doesn't mean he's attracted to me. So I can't get ahead of myself.

"So." He looked up into my eyes, reminding me that his were brown. "How many girlfriends have you had?"

"One."

"Just Dawn?" It was his turn to throw questions at me.

I nodded.

"How long have you been with her?"

"A few years."

"Sweet." I really wish he would stop saying that. "I'm happy for you."

"Why?" My voice sounded disgusted.

"Well, not everyone dates the same person for years. I've only had one boyfriend. We only lasted six months…" He got lost staring into space.

"I'm sorry." I said in a bored tone.

"It's okay."

Now! A voice said to me. Tell him you think you're gay! Tell him now!

I gave into it. "To tell you the truth, things aren't going so well between us right now."

"Really?" He transferred his attention to me. "Dawn didn't tell me anything like that."

Of course she didn't. She thinks everything's just fine. "Well, she wouldn't know." I said.

He seemed confused by this. "Why?"

"Well…" I thought about how to confess, then decided on being straightforward. "I think I'm gay."

This caught him off guard. "Really?"

"Yeah. Lately I've been questioning." I admitted.

"Why do you say that?"

"I'm not attracted to her romantically. I only see her as a…friend. And I find guys…" I refrained from letting the word 'hot' leave my lips in such context.

"Hot?" How did he guess?

It was my turn to blush. "Yeah."

"That's how I felt when I first discovered I was gay." He said quietly. "Or thought about it, rather."

"How did you confirm it?"

"My ex kissed me." He said. "And it all kind of clicked."

I wonder…? No. I will not kiss Ash to find out if I'm gay. "Oh. What's his name?"

"Gary." Ash whispered.

I've heard of this Gary. The supposed 'girl magnet,' as Dawn used to say. I wonder how he turned out gay? "I see."

"I wonder if…." He stopped himself.

"What?" Could he have thought the same thought I had?

"This is going to sound really stupid, but, you can kiss me if you want to see what it does for you." His face appeared to be burning. It was pretty red.

But did he really just invite me to kiss him? I tried to picture that. To my surprise, a clear picture was made. It was very tempting. Very tempting.

"You sure?" I asked him.

"You don't think it's stupid?"

"No, actually."

"So you want to kiss me?"

More than he'd ever know. "Sure."

Ash smiled a little, then became serious. He inched closer to me until he was almost in my lap. I delicately put my hand behind his neck. He closed his eyes as I slowly leaned closer to him.

I was so close. So close. But the phone rang. The fucking phone rang. I exhaled, causing a shiver to run down Ash's back. I pulled away and picked the phone up from the floor. The caller ID proved that it was Dawn calling. I pressed the 'talk' button and held the phone to my ear. I didn't need to say anything.

"Paul! Yay! I'm ready! Come on over!"

"Okay."

"See you there!" She hung up. I pressed the 'end' button, then dropped the phone to the floor.

"Who was it?" Ash asked.

"Dawn. She has a 'surprise' for me at her house. She wants me to come over there." I explained, not moving from where I stood.

"What do you think the surprise is?"

"Sex."

"You've gone that far?" Why was he so surprised?

"A few times."

"What is it like?"

"Excuse me?"

"Sex with a girl. What is it like? I'll never do it. So I want to know."

I sat down on the couch, leaving space between us again, but not as much as before. "Well, I'm sure any other guy would say 'amazing' or something. But for me it's just gross. And wet."

"Wet?"

"Girls come, too." I could not believe that he didn't know this.

"Oh."

"You don't want to try it, trust me."

"If you hate it so much, then why do you continue to do it?" He burst.

"I don't have a choice." I confessed.

"Sure you do! Tell her no! Tell her that you don't want to! Tell her something!"

"Ash, I'm the guy. The guy is supposed to be the one to want to do it. If the girl is willing, the guy gives it to her. It's the way it works."

Ash looked at me with sorrowful eyes. "That sucks."

"I know."

"You can control it, though, right?"

"Huh?"

"You're the guy. The guy's on top. The guy runs the whole thing. You could just not lead to sex and she'll probably go along with it."

"You really don't know Dawn, do you?" I asked him.

"That won't work with her?"

"Everything that you said about the guy applies to her."

"She's on top?"

"Except for that part."

"So she runs the whole fuck session?" Woah, I didn't think Ash would say that.

"Yeah."

"Wow. I never thought she'd do that."

"Well, she does."

He paused, then said: "well, why don't you try to have control?"

I'd never thought of that. Maybe I was just too lazy, but I think I could actually do it if I tried hard enough. "That's a good idea."

Ash smiled. "Are you going to try it?"

"I think I should." I admitted.

He smiled more. "Tell me how it goes."

"I will." I started walking towards the door. "Right after we get back to what we were doing."

Ash just looked at me, then grinned. "Okay."

I opened the door for him, then walked out.

Dawn's house used to be her parent's. It was a small one-story house that was just big enough to hold two adults and a child. When Dawn returned to her parents after quitting coordinating, they were surprised to see her. They expected that she'd use coordinating as her job and get her own house. When she confessed that she quit coordinating and was planning on living with them again, they didn't know what to do. They had bought a new house already, and were almost all set to move out of the smaller house that Dawn had groan up in. Of course, Dawn threw a fit about this. She loved that house. All her memories were in it. So, her and her parents made a deal. Since no one had bought the house, her parents still owned it. They agreed that Dawn could live in it, and they would pay the taxes for her until she was twenty. But after then, she was on her own. She'd always say that by then, we'd be married and living in that house together. I think she still has hope, even though I haven't proposed to her yet.

I slowly drove down the narrow road that led to her house. When I arrived there, I parked my car in the small driveway and walked up to the door. I didn't have to knock. She had been watching out the window, and had already opened the door. The house was dark inside. She was wearing a black lacey nightgown that was far too short. I was right about what my 'surprise' was.

"Come on it!" She stepped aside, leaving me space to step inside.

The strong smell of vanilla harassed my sense of smell. That's when I noticed that there were tiny white candles leading to her bedroom.

She closed the door behind me. "Come on." She said softly. She had gone into full seduction mode.

I walked with her to her bedroom. It was a pretty big room. It used to be her parents'. It had a queen sized bed in the middle of it. The walls were painted a soft green color. The carpet was decorated with a floral pattern, and very smooth.

Today, the room was mostly dark. Lit with just four slightly bigger vanilla candles in each corner of the room. She closed the door, and lay across the bed. I took off my shirt, socks, and pants, leaving my boxers. I climbed onto the bed with her. She smiled at me sexily.

At first, she did her usual controlling things, like rubbing my chest and kissing my neck. But I pushed her away, held her down under me, and kissed her. She cooed as my lips went from her face to her neck.

I remained in control. It was surprisingly easy. I just had to hold her hands down, and keep her under me. She seemed to like how into it I was. Or appeared to be, rather.

After a long enough time period, we were both naked. She made it known what she wanted. What the hell. I'll give it to her.

"Where's that condom stash of yours?" I asked her.

"Medicine cabinet. Want me to go get one?"

"I'll manage." I got up and walked to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. I took the box and thrust my hand in, grabbing the first condom I felt.

Even though I had been in control that time, it still didn't feel any better then usual. After I had gone home I thought about how I had felt when I almost kissed Ash. It wasn't a dream. No. That feeling was real. I wanted to try it again. Just to see if I'd feel it again. My pulse had quickened, and I felt my face get warmer. I was strangely eager and nervous at the same time. It reminded me of something. Something that had been special to me until recently.

It felt like the first time I kissed Dawn.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm trying to update every two weeks, roughly. I hope I can do it! AnYwAy, here's chapter 6 for you! Enjoy!**

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I woke up drenched in sweat. I didn't remember my dream, but I knew that Dawn was in it and that I was happy I had woken up. I sighed to myself. I haven't had a nightmare in years. But, then again, I've never almost kissed anyone other than Dawn. But that couldn't have anything to do with it, could it?

I slowly got out of my bed and walked to the kitchen, half expecting Dawn to be there waiting for me. She wasn't. I looked around for something edible, and didn't find anything I felt like eating. I then decided that I wasn't hungry, I just needed something to get my mind off everything. But what? I didn't know anyone worth calling, plus it was nine o'clock in the morning. And TV never works.

Before I could think too hard, the phone rang. Dawn really had no restrictions, now did she? I took a step forward, taking the phone from its charger and putting it to my ear without acknowledging Dawn. My normal way to pick up the phone whenever she called.

"Paul?" The voice wasn't Dawn's.

It was Ash's.

"Oh, hi. I thought you were Dawn at first." I admitted.

He chuckled, then said: "It's fine."

"So why did you call?" I asked him flatly.

"Wanted to talk to you…."

"Ah. About?"

"Well…can I come over today?"

Was he _really _that anxious to kiss me? Or did he just like to be around me? "Sure." I answered.

"Great! What time? It's a little early right now…So I was thinking maybe later…"

A flash of fear ran through me when I noticed what could happen. Dawn could stroll on over here and use her handy dandy key to walk inside my apartment. Then, she would see Ash and I…kissing, I guess. That was a little hard to think about. Hard to picture, yet too desirable not to. But what would Dawn do when she saw that? Scream? Assume it was Ash doing everything and try to get him away from me? Be heartbroken to pieces and break up with me in a screaming fit? All of that seemed realistic. I could picture each one clearly in my head. I shivered, thinking about it. I didn't want to lose the only one left that loved me. "Y'know," I said, "why don't I come over to your place?"

"Sure, thing. Why?"

"Well, for one thing, I've never been over. And Dawn has a key to my apartment." I explained. "She never knocks before letting herself in.

"Ah."

"So can I come?"

"Yes! That would be great! You can come over to my apartment. I'll email you the address, it's hard to remember."

Ash was a string of beads of surprise. First, he's gay. Then he lives in an _apartment. _I would think he would live in a big house leftover by his parents. Supported by the huge income he would make at his amazing job. I did some serious judging, here.

"I don't have a computer." I confessed.

"Oh. In that case, I'll just tell you and you can write it down."

"Okay." I ran around my cramped apartment in search of a notepad. It took me a good ten minutes just to dig up a scrap of paper and something to write with. Ash didn't seem the least bit impatient with me. "Ready."

He wasn't joking about the address. It must've had over thirty letters just to the street name, and was almost impossible to pronounce. After we had made sure I knew the exact location of his apartment, including what room he was and on what floor, he let me go. I hung up the phone and began slowly walking down to my car. I refused to think about what would happen while I was at Ash's. But it was comforting to know that Dawn wouldn't interrupt anything for once. Knowing that I was safe at his apartment made me feel secure. Another thing that hasn't happened in years. Today was full of firsts.

I arrived there exactly twenty-three minutes after I left. He opened the door on my first knock and let me in.

"Hey, Paul!" He said, smiling.

"Hi." I stepped inside.

"Come on, I'll show you around." He closed the door behind me, then began walking deeper into his apartment, allowing me to follow him.

As he gave me a tour of his apartment (which was no bigger than mine), I wondered when he was going to get into the kissing thing. We both knew why I was here. But he wouldn't flat out say "kiss me, Paul!" At least…I don't _think _he would do that.

He had shown me every room twice by time I noticed that he was procrastinating. I could tell that he didn't know how to get into this any more than I did. I eyed his couch. It was in the same place as mine was, too close to the TV for it's own good. It looked quite comfortable. I wondered if that was where our first kiss would take place. I tried to picture it, then forced the picture out of my mind.

He noticed me staring at the couch. He chuckled, slightly, then said: "Go ahead."

I nodded, then walked over to it and set myself down on the right-most cushion. I was correct. It was very comfortable. He followed me and plopped down on the left-most side.

"This is…nice." I complemented.

"Thank you."

We could both feel the awkwardness burning through us now. I wanted to end it. I wanted to just say 'lets start where we left off.' But I couldn't. I was too scared of rejection.

I noticed his eyes glued to my face. Did I look bored? That's just how I look all the time. I'm never really _amused _by anything. And I guess I'm better at hiding my nervousness with boredom then I am showing the nervousness. I turned to look at him. His face seemed helpless…no, scared. Was he scared of the same thing I was?

"L-lets start…where we left off." I muttered, positioning myself a bit closer to him.

A smile took over his expression as he pulled himself so close to me as to that his folded legs were touching mine. He was kneeling, and was almost in my lap. "Okay." He breathed.

I took a deep breath, then placed my hand behind his neck like I did last time. He kept his hands down, lightly placing them on my thighs. His eyes were closed, so I copied him. We slowly leaned in closer until our lips were touching. It was a quick and careful kiss. Our lips just touched and moved a little, then broke away. He looked up at me, his eyes hopeful. "So?"

"What?"

"How was it?"

Why was he asking this? Did he simply want to know? I thought about it for a few moments until the entire reason as to why we did this dawned on me.

"I…" I began. "I think we should try it again. I didn't really get much from that."

He grinned, understanding the hidden meaning in my words. He moved one of his hands to my chest, then pressed his lips to mine. We kissed with more meaning that time, letting it last longer, and tasting more than before. I let my other arm fall to his waist. Just when the kiss was getting on the verge of satisfying, Ash broke away once more.

"Better," I said.

Ash looked at me like he was dying to say something.

"What?"

"Would you consider…" He blushed immensely.

"Consider what?" I prompted.

"Never mind. It's stupid. You have a girlfriend. I'm being greedy." He looked away from me in attempt to hide his embarrassment.

Was he saying what I thought he was saying? Was he suggesting something that I thought he'd never suggest? He couldn't be saying that…this must be something else.

After Ash felt like I had been silent for long enough, he looked up at my pale face. "Sorry," he whispered.

"No it's just that…I think I've misinterpreted what you're saying." I said, staring into space.

"Well…how did you interpret it?" He asked slowly.

"I thought maybe…maybe…" I took a deep breath. "You were saying we could date."

"Y-yeah…I was suggesting it. But it's crazy; I should've just shut up before I said anything. You would never cheat on Dawn."

He really doesn't know me, now does he? "Actually…" I tried to think of what to say.

"Actually?"

"I was going to suggest we call ourselves 'friends with benefits', but then I decided that wasn't enough for me." I admitted.

He stared at me, then smiled. "So…what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"You gonna break up with Dawn?"

"Of course not. I can't do that. You know that."

"But, you want to date me?"

I nodded. "Do you really care if I date both you and her? That's your only option other than not getting me at all."

"Oh, cold." He teased.

"I'm not one for being nice."

"Well…that offer was very tempting." He balled the hand that was on my chest into a fist, grasping my shirt inside it. "I think I'm gonna have to take it."

I pulled his face to mine, kissing him hungrily. Cheating on Dawn didn't seem the least bit regretful when Ash tasted so good. He kissed me back, and pulled himself closer to me so that he was in my lap and his chest was against mine. His arms found their way around my neck. I responded to the act by tightening my arms around his back.

He took a second to breathe. "So…you don't feel…bad at all?" He asked me, panting.

"No." I said. "This feels really good."

"Good." He kissed me again. I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. It made me want to take off his shirt. That was going to far, though. I let myself enjoy what I had. I had to admit, this was pretty damn good for the third time seeing each other in many years. This time, I had to break away for air.

Ash took advantage of this break to speak to me again. "Hey Paul…?"

"Yes?"

"I have a question…"

"Okay. Ask it."

"I feel like…we don't know something that we really need to know to make this work."

What the hell?

"And…we need to decide on it before we can continue."

I repeat, what the hell?

He seemed to notice my confused face, so he began to explain. "I mean…how fast we're going to let ourselves go in this relationship. I feel like we need to take it slow…but I know we probably both don't want to."

"I have to agree."

"Every second that I spend with you pushes my mind to want more and more. I don't know about you, but if I wasn't holding myself back, we would have gone pretty far by now."

That was true with me, as well. But the problem was I didn't really know what I wanted to do. I just wanted more. But Ash was experienced. He probably knew exactly what he wanted.

"Paul…?"

"Yeah, we should try to take it slow. But I don't think we should hold ourselves back too much."

"Okay. And we'll tell eachother if we're going to fast." He rested his head on my shoulder and began kissing my neck. "Mmm…"

I could barely control myself. This was different from when Dawn was luring me into sex. When I'm with Dawn, I have no romantic desires. But I had too many desires with Ash. I couldn't just lie there like I do with Dawn. I never imagined it's be so hard to hold myself back like this. But it was.

"Paul? You okay? You went all stiff…" He lifted his head to look at me.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking." I told him.

"About what?"

"Stuff."

"C'mon, Paul, tell me!"

"It's really nothing." I didn't think I could handle telling him what was on my mind. Maybe I'll tell him another time; when we're more comfortable with each other. But for now, there are some things that are better kept secret.

"Fine." He said, returning to my neck. He seemed to share the same neck obsession that I did. Maybe it was a gay thing. Maybe we just happened to have that in common. I don't know.

We were interrupted by my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. "Shit." I murmured, taking a hand off of Ash to grab my phone. I flipped it open with my chin and held it to my ear.

"Paul! Where are you!?"

Dawn. Of course.

I looked at Ash. Could I tell her I was here? Ash gave me a scared look, and shook his head shakily. I nodded. "Out." I answered her.

"God, Paul, I know _that_. But _where _are you?"

"Ummm…driving around." I lied.

"Oh. Well. Come home soon, okay, honey?"

"Do you have another _surprise _for me?" I tried to keep all bitterness in my voice obsolete, but I don't think I succeeded.

"No…I just wanted to see you. But I _can _have a surprise if you want me to."

Great. "Naw, I'm a little tired from last night."

"Oh, okay. Well, still, come home soon!" She then hung up.

I sighed, and dropped the phone to the floor.

"What?" Ash asked anxiously.

"She wants me to come 'home'." Since when did she start refuring to my apartment as her 'home'?

"Oh. I guess you should go then-"

"No. I'd really rather stay here." I told him.

"Okay."

"Can I stay awhile?"

"Yes! We don't need to be doing this the whole time if you don't want to. We can watch a movie or something."

"Okay. Thanks." Anything to get me home after midnight. At this point, I really didn't care what Dawn thought of it. Or thought of me. I was ruling my own life now.

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**Awesoooooooooooooome! I am so happy that this chapter _finally _got done!! Ash and Paul finally got together!! YAY! I (and you comashippers) have been waiting for this the entire fic!! I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY!! (excuse my language, but this fic is rated M and I am happy, so I can say whatever the hell I want!**

**special thankx so far-**

**My dear friend Emily, who is the only person I know in real life that reads this and loves it. Thank you for supporting me!**

**Cascade88, who is one of my best reveiwers**

**and all my other readers that love and support my work. Thank you so much!!**

**don't worry, those thanks don't mean it's over! chapter 7 will be written! don't worry!! As I stated, I am trying to get one chapter done every 2 weeks. Lets see if I can do it!!**

**Thank you all of you! And I hope that you will continue to read my work!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I know...this is quite late. But...it's up! I hope you like it! FF is being really stupid and not letting me put in line breaks so I am going to play with little symbol things to make a transition thing that looks like this: -"-"-"- Sorry!**

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My arm was thrown over Ash's shoulders and his hand was lightly placed on my thigh. His head was pressed against my neck, half resting and half nuzzled. I thought he had fallen asleep until he changed the channel on the too-loud TV set when the commercials came on. He changed it to some chick flick that I didn't recognize. I let my eyes wander from the TV screen down to the piercing yellow digital clock display. It read 3:28, bright against the washed out black of the rest of the room.

"I…I should probably go…" I murmured. I didn't want to be too tired when driving back to my apartment.

"No." He dropped the remote and slid his hand up my body to my chest, gripping my shirt. "Stay."

I sighed. If he wanted me to be with him that badly, I'll stay. "Okay."

"Good." He breathed, sounding as if just saying the one syllable of that word tired him out. He must be really exhausted.

Just as I had let my eyes droop (I was sure that Ash had fallen asleep) my cell phone cut through the peaceful silence of the night with its ring set to maximum volume. I jumped, feeling Ash jump with me. I muttered "shit" under my breath, and leaned down to grab my phone off the floor.

"_What?_" I hissed at her.

"Paul, where are you?" She sounded scared and desperate; exactly how I wanted her to sound.

"Um…" I thought about what to tell her. I couldn't decide on anything. She probably assumed I was at the bar. "Around."

"You're not at that bar, are you?"

I was right. How surprising. "No, Dawn, I'm actually not."

"Hmm…you sound sober enough. But you're tired. Why didn't you come home?"

Ah! She just gave me inspiration for a flawless story. "I was driving home, and I got too tired. I didn't want to crash, so I parked it and relaxed." Ash's eyes stared up at me, pleading me to touch him again. I hooked my arm around his neck.

"Okay. So you expected to just stay there all night? I could've come and got you!"

"What would we have done with my car?" My newfound ability to lie to Dawn successfully was proven useful.

"I…I don't know," she admitted.

"Now," I glanced at Ash, "you woke me up."

"Sorry. I'll let you go. But come home first thing in the morning! I'll wait for you to make sure you're okay!"

"Alright."

"Bye! I love you!"

"Bye." I shut the phone and turned it off, throwing it on the floor, this time farther away then before. "Sorry." I said to Ash. "That woke you up."

"No, it's okay. I'd rather wake up and see you than wake up with no one there."

That almost made me feel guilty for planning on leaving before he woke up.

"You're not leaving now, are you?"

"No," I told him. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Okay." He nestled into my side again, comfortably positioning himself. "That's good."

"If you hadn't fallen asleep, we could call this our first all-nighter."

He yawned. "I've never pulled one of those. I always lose all my energy by one."

"I noticed."

There was silence, then:

"Hey, Paul?"

"What?"

"Have you always been this…mean…to Dawn?"

That wasn't what I had expected. "What?"

"You seem to be really uncaring and mean to Dawn. Have you always been like that?"

Now that I thought about it, I really was only _that _cold after I met Ash. Or…discovered that I was gay…or bisexual…or whatever. Now that I had Ash, I didn't really need Dawn anymore. "No," I told him. "Mostly after I found out that I'm gay. And then after I met you. I don't need Dawn as much as I used to anymore."

"So…you were nicer to her before?"

"Well…just not as careless as I am now. I used to be really careful with everything I would say or do around her. To make sure that I didn't anger her or make her sad."

"Oh. So now you don't care if you hurt her feelings?"

"No. I still care about her a lot. I wouldn't want to hurt her severely. I'm just not spoiling her anymore."

"Okay. Well…she is my friend…and I just don't want to be what causes you to hurt her." He paused, then said, "But I do want to be with you. _A lot._"

"So…what are you saying?" A whirl of nervousness ran through me. Was he trying to end this before it fully began?

"I just don't want you to go too hard on her because of me is all. And it seems like you won't, .so I'm okay."

"Oh." I tried to hide the plain relief in my voice, but it ended up coming out in a questioning way.

"D-do you not believe me?"

"No, no, my voice came out wrong." It sounded like a lie, even though it wasn't.

"Okay…." He obviously came to the conclusion I'd wished he wouldn't.

"Really," I told him. "I believe you." Honestly, I had no legitimate reason to believe him, since I barely knew him. But something seemed right about it….

Before I knew it, I was kissing him again. I think it's my way for showing that I'm telling the truth. His tired eyes didn't even open from surprise, and he seemed to lack kissing-back energy. I could tell he was trying, though. Eventually, he pulled away, heavily breathing. "I'm too tired, Paul." He explained. "Tomorrow."

"Okay." I agreed.

Before long, he was asleep again.

The first thing I noticed about Ash's apartment was how bright it was at the break of dawn. I've never seen the inside of a building be so bright from just sunlight. And unluckily for me, Ash was still asleep in my arms. Now I was stuck here, waiting for him to wake up, and I couldn't even get up and find something to eat. Who knew how long it would be until Ash woke up.

The next thing I noticed is that Ash wasn't against my side anymore. Now, he was sprawled out on my lap, his head on the arm of the couch and his back across my legs. My hand was on his chest. I wondered how comfortable that was for him. Surprisingly, his weight wasn't too much for me. He was actually pretty light; like Dawn. As if he belonged in my lap. It actually felt kind of nice…right, even.

And my phone wouldn't even disturb it. Because this time, I turned it off. I'm so smart.

"Paul, lets go to a movie! Let's go to a movie!"

Huh? I think I fell asleep. How did that happen? Hmm…well, Ash was jumping up and down in front of me with a crazed smile across his face. Did he have coffee? Possibly…but how did he get up without waking me up? Well…that probably wasn't that hard for him since he completely repositioned himself while we were sleeping and I didn't wake up.

"So, so, so, so, what do ya say?"

To what, again? Oh…oh…the movie thing. Hmm…a movie. That didn't sound so bad...

Wait. Dawn is everywhere. Maybe she would happen to be at that movie when we were there. Then we would have problem.

I refused to picture all her possible reactions. "Ash…we can't. What if Dawn's there?"

"Dawn won't be there. If she is, say I found you and decided to take you to a movie."

"I'll say you _dragged _me to a movie," I clarified. "But whatever."

"So you're coming?!"

"Sure. It'll be fun. We've never gone anywhere…public…before."

"And if we need to make out we can go to the boy's bathroom."

"Yes." Honestly, it surprised me that Ash would suggest something like that. Or…state something like that, anyway.

"What movie?"

"Anything that won't be crowded."

"Well…." He thought for a few moments, then said: "it's still early in the day…so we don't have to worry about school kids."

"Just take me there and buy me tickets. I don't care what they're to." I was getting a little impatient with him. The new idea of going on a _date _seemed to be the only thing I wanted at the time. I actually didn't care about Dawn for a moment; I just wanted to leave this apartment.

Ash smiled, grabbed my hand, briefly kissed my lips, then pulled me out the door.

-"-"-"-

We arrived at the theater around noon. We bought tickets to some gory movie that Dawn (or any other girl for that matter) wouldn't be caught dead in. We skipped popcorn even though we hadn't had lunch or breakfast (or…_one_ of us hadn't had breakfast yet. I'm sure Ash made himself a nice meal). Salt and buttery kisses weren't exactly what we wanted.

We made it before the previews started. The screen was a soft pink while playing some love song show tune. We took seats in the back row, just in case someone wanted to sit behind us and get a full-on view of what was going on.

Once the previews finally started, two girls that looked about 18 each walked in. They looked around, spotted us, smiled, then began walking towards us. The taller one had dark green hair that was nicely waved. The other was a brunette with obviously fake blonde streaks. As they approached us, they looked more and more like models. Their breasts shook with every step and their hips perfectly swayed from side to side as they walked.

"Hey, boys. Where are your girls?" the green haired girl pressed.

I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Are you two here all alone? Looking for some girls?" she asked.

"Actually, we're taken," Ash told them mater-of-factually.

"Oh. Well, you're not with them now. Want some hands to hold? One movie with another girl won't be minded." Her voice was seductive, like Dawn's when she tried to seduce me.

"That's alright." Ash said.

"Well…okay…but if you want us, we'll be right there." She pointed towards the front rows of the theater. She turned and began walking there, followed by the brunette who gave me a pleading look, then turned and rushed after her friend.

The previews were easy to sit through. There were only about four because of the lack of inspiration for new movies that the world seemed to have at the time. The movie had just begun when I felt Ash's hand slink over to mine. Instead of holding my hand like I'd thought he would do, he just rested his fingers over my skin. I looked at him.

"Let's piss off these girls," he prompted.

I slowly lifted up the arm rest between us and leaned toward him. He closed his eyes. I smiled and pounced on him, knocking him into the armrest behind him. I'm sure it would've severely hurt his back if I wasn't distracting him with my tongue. I licked his lips and then slid it into his mouth, still pressed against his chest. We tongue-chased for several moments until he pulled away, gasping for air. I rested my head against his chest, panting. That's when I saw those girls. The one with the blonde streaks had her hand on the green haired one's shoulder, both their faces staring up at us in utter shock. I gave them the finger, as they whipped their heads back towards the movie screen. I had a feeling they wouldn't bother us anymore.

-"-"-"-

After the movie, I remembered that I was supposed to go back to my apartment to show Dawn that I was alive. I waited until we were walking across the parking lot towards Ash's car.

"Ash, can you drop me off at my apartment?" I reluctantly asked.

"Okay," he said, sighing. I hoped he didn't think I wanted to get away from him after the public display of affection we had just presented in the movie theater. I actually wanted to save Dawn from an anxiety attack. I placed my hand on his shoulder and delicately kissed his cheek. "Don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow. I promise."

"Okay." Ash unlocked his car once we were about five feet away from it. We both got into it and Ash began to back out of the parking space. I could feel in the silence that something wasn't right.

"Are you…mad at me?" I asked him quietly.

"No. It's nothing. Ignore it."

"I can't."

"I shouldn't tell you. Forget it."

"Now I want to know more."

"Fine. I'm just…disappointed that you have to go. But I shouldn't be. I'm too selfish."

"Oh." Did he really want me that much? I guess I kind of knew that already, but it was odd to hear it (or a variation of it, anyway) come out of his mouth.

"Sorry. I should just be happy you like me. I shouldn't want more."

Want more. Want more? Wait…did he mean not wanting me to leave…or…something else? I decided not to question as we drove in silence the two miles or so that took us to my apartment.

"Have fun," he said heartlessly as I got out of the car. He knew Dawn and I would be doing stuff. He knew it well. And he had agreed to tolerate it back in the beginning. But it still hurt him, nonetheless, to see it happening and know that there's nothing he can do to stop it.

"I will…bye." I closed the car door and walked into the apartment building, careful to not turn back and see Ash's pained face.

-"-"-"-

I stepped into the apartment, ready for anything Dawn was going to throw at me. The door slowly swung open, and there was silence. I closed the door behind me and looked around. Then I saw her. She was sitting on my couch, her knees pulled up to her chest, her hair matted and tangled, dark bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Her cell phone was nearly crushed in her fist, as she stared at it with wide eyes. I walked over to her, my heart pounding from the guilt. I did this to her. It was my fault.

-"-"-"-

**I hope you Ikarishippers like how Dawn's in this one. There will be more of Dawn...don't worry! I began chapter 8 already. I have an idea for it. :3 Well...tell me what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8

**No matter who you ship, I think you will like this. =D Sorry it's taken me such a long time to write it. I'm writing every day for like, an hour. I promise. I just write slow…and yeah.**

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She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. She looked so weak, so helpless. I rushed over to her, scooped her up and sat down on the couch, setting her in my lap. I held her close to me as she rested her tired head on my shoulder. She cried quietly for a few minutes, limply holding my shirt with her small fingers.

"Paul," She whispered, sounding more desperate than anything else. "Where…were you? You were at the bar weren't you? And you got drunk and didn't want to drive home, so you slept in your car."

"That's not what happened." I told her soothingly.

"Yes it is, don't lie to me."

I traced her lips with my tongue and exhaled deeply. "See, no alcohol taste or smell."

She pondered this, then cried: "then where _were _you?!"

I didn't quite know how to answer that. I decided to just say: "I told you that, Dawn."

She looked at me, her eyes searching for the lie. She was too tired to find it.

"I'm sorry I did this to you." I told her.

"I thought you were dead! I tried calling your cell, and it was off! Why didn't you come home, Paul?" She was almost yelling, but her voice wouldn't go loud enough.

"I told you, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I ran my nose across her face, landing at her neck where I began to gently kiss. "You look terrible. What did you do to yourself?"

"I…I don't really remember. I just remember waiting for you…and you never ever came."

More guilt injected itself into my heart, leaving a regretful stinging. I raised my head from her neck to look at her face. "It's okay…I'm here now."

"Please…don't do that again." She begged.

"I won't, I won't."

She lifted her hand from my chest to my cheek, where she delicately rested it. "I love you, Paul. I really do. And when you leave me and don't come back, I get scared."

I pecked her lips. She whined, and pushed me away weakly. "What?" I asked her.

"Not now, Paul."

"Okay." I moved my hand out from under her legs and ran it in her hair. Her tangled locks didn't allow my fingers to pass through. "What happened to your hair?"

She looked into my eyes with pure pain before she dug her face into my neck and began sobbing.

"You didn't…."

"I did. I broke down at one point during the night and threw a fit! I thought I was having an anxiety attack!"

"What?! Anxiety attack?"

"It wasn't one, though." She sniffed.

"You get _anxiety attacks?_" I was still in some shock. I wasn't expecting to trigger an _attack_.

"When I was younger. But I stopped having them a few years ago. So I don't think this was one."

I wrapped both my arms around her back and held her against my chest. "I'm so sorry, Dawn."

There was an awkward pause, then: "Paul? I'm really tired. I want to go to sleep."

I didn't comment on it being the middle of the day. I knew she was up all night as a nervous wreck. I carried her to my bedroom and set her down. Luckily, I hadn't made my bed last time I slept in it, so I pulled the blankets over her without having to pull them back first.

"There." I kissed her forehead softly.

"Goodnight, Paul! I love you!"

"'Night." I closed the blinds to block out the light. I began to walk out the door when Dawn stopped me.

"Paul. When you go to bed you're gonna come in here, right/?"

Easy. "I don't want to wake you up."

"…Okay. 'Night."

I closed the door behind me and walked down the four stairs to my TV room. I threw myself on the couch and turned on the TV to something I didn't know the name of.

The phone cut into the peacefulness of my sleep. I could hear it clearly over the light whirr of the TV set. I glanced at the clock. 9:32 AM. I warily got up and walked to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Paul! You left your cell phone here."

Ash. Good, he called _before _Dawn woke up. "I'll get it once Dawn wakes up. Or as soon as I can, anyway."

"Dawn's still there? Must've been a…fun night."

"No. She nearly threw herself into an _anxiety attack_ while I was gone. She slept in my bed and I slept on the couch."

"Oh." I could tell that he seemed surprised, even though he tried to hide it.

"Yup."

"Fun."

"Well…I don't want to wake her up. So I gotta go."

"Alright. I'll be waiting for you." There was a click, then a dial tone before I could say 'goodbye'. Was it just me, or did Ash seem pretty head-over-heels in love with me? He's acting a lot like Dawn….

"Who was that, Paulie?" I spun around to see Dawn standing behind me, giving me her 'innocent little girl' eyes that she gives people when she wants stuff.

"Oh, just Ash. I left my cell phone at his apartment."

"You were at his apartment?"

"Awhile ago. I guess he just found my cell recently. Or remembered to call me."

"Okay. That must be why you didn't pick up whenever I called you."

"Yes."

She wrapped her arms around me limply. "When you do this to me, give me doubt, I begin to wonder how strong our relationship is." Her voice was so soft, tight, and high that it almost hurt my ears to listen to.

Any other boyfriend would say "don't worry, I will always love you" and kiss her passionately. But me, the boyfriend who's cheating on her for a guy, didn't. I stood there, thinking about what the hell to say.

"Paul?"

I decided that actions could work better than words, so I silently positioned my arms across her back. She smiled subtly and pressed the side of her head against my chest. I let her take it however she wanted to. Whether it was a "I'll be with you forever" or "I'm too lazy to say anything."

We stood there for way too long, but eventually Dawn pulled out of my grasp. "I'm still tired. That woke me up." She mumbled.

"Can I get my phone while you nap?" I asked her quietly.

She looked at me for all of seven seconds, then replied: "Sure. But turn it on. And don't be gone long."

"Okay."

She stared into my eyes and held it as long as she could, but it only ended up being several seconds from the tiredness weighing them down. She turned and went back to my bedroom slowly. I waited until she had closed he door behind her to leave my apartment. I power walked down the stairs and to the parking lot where I ran to my car and started it up faster than I ever thought I'd need to. In a heartbeat, I was speeding to the address that I had already memorized.

* * *

"I didn't think you'd get here so early," Ash said when he opened the door, sounding satisfied.

"Well, you woke Dawn up, so I got to ask her if I could get my cell from your place." I stepped onto the carpet as Ash closed the door behind me.

"Oh! So she figured you left it here, that's why you didn't answer?" He began walking to the couch with me following close behind.

"Yup."

"Sweet!" He sat down on the couch. I sat next to him. There was an awkward silence, until he broke it with: "so how bad was Dawn when you got there? Anxiety attack, you said?"

"Almost. Actually, I don't even know exactly what happened. When I got there, her eyes had bags under them like she hadn't slept for days. Her hair was all messed up like she was rubbing it against the couch. Her knees were pulled against her chest and her cell phone was in her hand. She was holding it for dear life and watching it like it was a criminal, trying to break out of prison. I've never seen her so unstable."

"Sounds pretty bad."

"It was." My voice got quieter as I thought about it. I looked away from his relaxed face. Did he not find this upsetting? Maybe he assumed that I found it funny or something. I had a flashback of when Ash asked me if I was always mean to her. I guess I didn't notice how cold I really was towards her. She may be a clingy, overprotective whore, but she's still a nice girl.

"Paul? Are you…okay?"

I slowly looked up at him. "You were the one that told me not to be too hard on her. You care about her; she's your friend. At least that's what you said. And now, she almost killed herself, and you're treating it like no big deal."

"I…I guess I just didn't know it was that serious…I don't know."

"I explained to you how serious it was, Ash."

"I," he sighed, "I didn't want to make it a big deal if it wasn't. But I guess it is."

I took a deep breath and rested my head on his shoulder. "I wish she wasn't in love with me. I wish we were just friends. Things would be so much easier that way."

He seemed to not know how to respond to that, so instead he nuzzled my head and moved his hand to my thigh. I lifted my head to look at him. He captured my lips with his and began to kiss me gently. I broke away and looked at him. It was silent for a few moments until we threw ourselves at each other and began battling with our tongues. We rocked back and forth until Ash gained dominance. I continued to fight back until he pushed me down, setting himself on top of me. He kept kissing my lips until he seemed satisfied. He then began to kiss down my jaw and to my neck. He lifted his head to breathe, but kept me down by removing my shirt. After that, he started kissing down my neck and to my chest. I pulled at his shirt, attempting to take it off. He sat up briefly to rid himself of it. I took advantage of the time window and lunged at him, pushing him over and landing on top of him. He laughed as he threw his shirt to the floor.

"Gotcha," I whispered sexily.

"Mmm," He kissed me fiercely, pulling away too quickly. "Yes you did."

Then it clicked that I was on top of him and our bare chests were pressed together.

That's also when I began to get very hard.

I nuzzled into his neck and began to suck. He moaned from pleasure. His fingers ran through my messy hair. He used it as a leash to pull my face to his, where he hungrily kissed me. I kissed him back, more wanting the feeling rather than battling. His hands continued to tousle my hair while he took a breathing break. His hands danced down my chest and found their way to my waistline. He playfully slipped his fingertips between my skin and jeans. He slid them around so that they met at the zipper. He fumbled to undo the button and attempted to pull down the zipper when I sat up out of his reach. I kneeled over him. If my pants were coming off, so were his. I began sliding my hands down his chest, causing him to shiver, slightly. When they reached his pants, I began to unfasten them when there was a sharp knock on the door. Ash and I froze in union. I hopped off of him and sat on the edge of the couch. He got up and walked to the door, peering through the peephole. He raced back over to me. "It's Dawn!"

"Oh _Shit_."

"Okay. The back of the couch is facing the door, you can sit on the floor in front of it so that you can still hear what I say and be hidden."

"Wait. You're getting the door?" I wondered what Dawn would think when she saw his obvious erection.

"Yeah, I might as well. It's unlocked."

My eyes got wide. "Oh." I sank down to the floor to the hiding spot Ash told me of. He walked over to the door and opened it.

"Hello Dawn." He said.

"Hey Ash. Is Paul here?"

"Nope."

"Oh, okay. Did he get his phone?"

"Yup."

"Okay." There was a pause, then Dawn asking reluctantly, "is someone else here?"

Ugh. She must've noticed that he's shirtless and hard. Two likely options in her eyes. One: a girl is here. Two: he's really really good at masturbating.

"Uh…maybe. But I gotta go…." The door was pushed across the carpet a little.

"Alright," she said, sounding quite unsure.

"So…."

"Okay, see you later."

"Bye." He slid the door shut and locked it.

I stood up. "How long have I been gone? Like, ten minutes?"

"Actually.…" He looked at the clock.

I glanced at it. "Oh god, I've been here for awhile."

"Yeah," he paused, walking up to me, then said: "don't leave yet, though."

"Of course not," I placed a hand behind his neck and kissed him softly.

"Good." He sat on the couch, pulling me next to him. But it was awkward. I noticed that the place I used to call my safe zone, the place Ash and I went to be together, the place that was supposed to be hidden from Dawn, was open. Paranoia swept over me as I began to feel like there was nowhere we could go. Dawn had access to everywhere, every place we could dream of going.

Ash began licking my neck, and I pushed him away. He gave me this really hurt expression. I felt bad for him, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug against my chest. I stroked his hair slowly.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

"I always felt like…your apartment was safe from Dawn. But…it's not," I said softly.

"Yes, it is. I need to remember to lock the door."

"No, I mean she knows where you live, Ash! She can drive here if she wanted to, _when _she wanted to! She could go on her tiptoes and look through the peephole whenever she wanted to!"

"Paul, calm down. I've got a solution, mmkay? How about we go to my bedroom?"

"I'm serious, Ash."

"Me too."

I sighed. Ash and I in a bed was a very nice thought.

"Okay," I said. "You win this time."

He slipped out of my grasp and crawled into my lap. "I like to win."

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**Bla. I tried to make the end even semi-grabbing, but I failed. This chapter's long enough…right? Now all I need to do is think of something very very interesting….**


	9. Chapter 9

**Oh right, I had an interesting idea all along! Haha! Now I shall write it and you shall read it. I hope you like it, as far as it gets in this chapter! =DDD**

**EDIT: okay. I'm sorry. This was all crunched together. idk what was wrong with FF but...idk. BUT I FIXED IT FOR YA's!!!!!! I hope you likez it!  
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I hadn't noticed that I had accidentally put on Ash's shirt until I was already halfway home. I cursed to myself and pulled over to call Dawn. If she were at my apartment, which she most likely was, I would turn around to switch shirts. If by some miracle she wasn't, I would just keep driving home. I felt like a middle school girl, but I kinda wanted to keep his shirt.

I felt my pockets and discovered that I actually had remembered to take back my phone. I flipped it open and turned it on. After that, I dialed my apartment's number. After several rings, no one picked up. I then tried Dawn's cell phone. No one. I decided to take the chance. If she was there, just asleep, I could always take off the shirt and throw it into the laundry before she saw it.

When I opened the door, I didn't hear a high-pitched variation of my name and running footsteps, so that was good. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. I slowly walked to my bedroom and cracked the door, peering inside. Dawn wasn't there. It seemed as if she went home. Why would she want to go home? That didn't matter, though. I was alone for the first time in forever, it seemed. I lay down on my couch, switching the TV on. I wanted to take off my shirt to get more comfortable, but the want to keep Ash's shirt on me overpowered that first one. It was a little sweaty, just a bit tight on me, and smelled just like him. It was a bright red with some logo that I never would've picked out myself. I loved it.  
The phone's ring cut through my happy thoughts. I groaned to myself as I got up to get it. "Yes?"

"Paul?" Her voice was lower than usual, and tired-sounding.

"Yes, Dawn?"

"I'm sorry that I'm not there. But I got my period."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry!"

"It's fine, Dawn. No problem."

"Okay. Well, I should probably go."

"Alright."

"Bye. Love you."

"Bye." This was too good to be true. Not only will Dawn not want to get laid for a week, but it also meant that she would be staying at her house for that period of time. Whenever she gets her period, she gets horrible cramps, which make her really short-tempered. So she has to drug herself with super painkillers that she needs a prescription to get. Said painkillers knock her out, so she spends most of her time sleeping. I smiled to myself as I hung up the phone, then picked it back up. I dialed a new number.

"Hey Paul."

"Hey Ash. You at your house?"

"No."

"Where are you?"

"Out."

"God, Ash. Out where?"

"At the store." Why didn't he want to tell me that? It's just a store, right? Or was he somewhere else?

"Okay. Well I've got some news."

"What?"

"Dawn has her period!"

"So?"

"So, we've got a week!"

"A week? Together?"

"You got it."

"Sweet!"

"So when can I come over?"

"After I'm done shopping. How about I just pick you up?"

"Okay. How long will that be?"

"Another…half hour?"

"Alright. See you then."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and smiled. A whole week with Ash. Just Ash.

I decided to dig through my DVD collection that Dawn and I made back when we still in the movie-watching phase. There were mostly chick flicks and horror movies. That wasn't bad, since chick flicks became something of a thing between me and Ash, and horror was always good. As I continued to look though it, I decided just to let Ash help me with choosing when he arrived, since I didn't know what he would want.

After twenty minutes I got so bored that I began to pace back and fourth around my living room, making a rut in the carpet.

After what had seemed like an hour, but was closer to a half of that, a knocking sound stopped me in my tracks as I raced to the door.

"Hey!" Ash exclaimed when the door was open. He walked in and, sure enough, was wearing the shirt I left. It was a little big for him, or, bigger than the shirts he usually wears, and complemented him more that I would have thought.

"Hey." I replied. "One thing before you take me away."

"Yes?"

I lead him over to the movie stash. "Here. I thought you should pick some out."

"I thought you didn't like the couch."

"No, I like our couch just fine. Dawn can't reach the peephole, even if she could drive over there."

I think he caught the 'our' in that statement, but he didn't acknowledge it. "Okay. Just bring them all. I'm sure we'll find time to watch them."

"Okay," I picked up the crate, "ready?"

"Yup." He pecked my lips before pulling me out the door.

* * *

It was dark by time we reached his apartment. Perfect. He carried the movie crate in for me on our way there, along with his shopping bag, and dropped them onto the floor by our couch once we were inside. He began sorting through them and picked out a movie called 'Saved!' that I never quite got why Dawn liked. I understood why he picked it, though, since it's got something to do with a gay guy. He took it out of its case, carefully, and popped it into the DVD player and turned on the TV manually. He hit 'play' and joined me on our couch.  
"This…is going…to be…so fun," he said, trailing kisses down my neck.

I grasped his face in my hands and pulled it to mine. We kissed passionately for a few moments. Ash broke away to take off my (or his, rather) shirt. He began to stroke my chest, but I stopped him to take off the shirt he was wearing. He then continued to run his hands along my chest.

"You know, your skin is really soft. No wonder Dawn likes to sleep with you so much."

"Really?" I ignored the second part of that comment.

"Yeah." He paused, looked down, then back up to my face and said: "I wonder if all of you is this soft?"

I grinned. "Probably."

He laughed, then removed his hands. I leaned on him, slightly, as I advanced to his collarbone. He cooed, and allowed himself to fall back as I shifted on top of him without taking my lips from his skin. I couldn't help but notice that he was aroused. But, more importantly, he probably noticed I wasn't. Yet. After more kissing, I decided to stop and give him a turn. He took the cue and began at my neck, sending familiar shivers down my body. I loved them.

"Y'know," he began in between kisses, "this movie isn't that bad."

"You were actually watching it?" I honestly had no idea how far along the movie was in its plotline.

"Yeah. I listened more than watched. But it's okay. We should watch it gain if we run out."

"Okay." Did he expect us to watch movies and fuck for a whole week straight? If that was his plan, how far would we go? How long have we even been dating? A week? No, more than that. Two weeks? Three? I don't even know.

"What are you thinking about? You look a little distant," he whispered in my ear.

"Us," I admitted.

"What about us?"

"Nothing, really."

"Obviously something." He nipped my ear.

"Fine. Were you planning on us doing nothing but watch movies and touch each other all week?"

"Um…actually, I was thinking more of a 'go out during the day, have fun at night' kind of thing."

"That sounds pretty good," I said. "Where would we go?"

"Um…wherever you want, I guess. Probably to eat, since I don't have much here. Except, y'know…."

I laughed. "I don't think I could live off of that." We were making sex jokes and we hadn't even reached third base yet.

"Exactly." He licked my neck.

"Ash? Is it too late to get some food?"

"Do you mean food as in dinner, or food as in…?"

"Dinner."

He sighed, reluctant to end the contact between our bodies. "Fine."

I got off of him and pulled his shirt on. He didn't comment, instead just grabbing my shirt and pulling it on himself. He looked around for the remote until he found it, and paused the movie. He then walked to the bathroom, probably to deal with his erection.

"So where are we going?" I asked him.

"Umm…where do you want to go?"

"I don't care, honestly."

"Okay. I wanted to go to that Gregg's that's just a few blocks over."

"That sounds good."

He kissed me passionately before we left.

* * *

While we drove to the restaurant, he reached his hand out and offered it to me. I took it, and he drove one-handed the rest of the way.

There was no wait, so we got seated immediately after we walked in. The hostess stared at our entwined hands, and then looked at me. I gave her a threatening look, and she quickly turned and walked and bit faster than she had before. She gave us a booth, and we slid into the same side without hesitation. She gave me a purely disgusted look before walking away. I was glad it was directed at me rather than at Ash.

After looking through our menus in silence for what I decided to be long enough, I flipped it closed and declared: "I'm getting the salmon."

"I'm getting a burger."

"Okay."

As the silence got more and more annoying, I became aware that our thighs were pressed together and our hands were still locked.

The waitress saved us of the silence by delivering a basket of rolls and asking us what we wanted to drink. Although she did seem surprised to see us so close together, she didn't give us any looks or change her behavior in a noticeable way. That was comforting. We both ordered water.

After she left, Ash took a role and bit into it. "I love the rolls here," he stated.

"I know, they are quite good." I took one for myself and broke it in half before taking a bite.

He waitress returned not soon after to take our order.

After she left, I couldn't bear the silence any longer.

"Ash, talk to me," I pleaded.

"What about?"

"I hate this silence. Are you mad at me or something?"

"Well, I can't say that I wasn't disappointed that we stopped, but I'm not mad at you."

That's when a few people tuned out of their table's conversations to listen to ours. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah. Paul, there really aren't many things that could get me mad at you." He squeezed my hand.

"Okay."

He rested his head on my shoulder. "I needed food, anyway," he told me. "I barely ate anything all day."

"Neither did I."

"Was it today that you left my house then called me and was like 'we have a week'?"

"Yup."

"It feels like so long ago."

"I know." I debated weather or not to turn and kiss the top of his head. It was obvious to everyone here that we're gay by now. But I decided against it, to avoid the dirty looks we'd get.  
Our food came surprisingly fast, probably because all the employees and customers wanted us out as fast as possible. We let go of each other's hands to eat and ate in cold silence.  
We got into an argument about who should pay when we were done.

"Ash, I should pay, really."

"Paul, I practically took you out. I think it's fair if _I_ pay," he disagreed.

"I was the one that _wanted_ to get food. I should pay."

"I was hungry, too."

I got out my wallet to just pay for it myself when I noticed I didn't have enough money. I was short by about fifty cents. Dammit. I looked over at him, and he was staring at his wallet with a look that must've matched mine.

"We should split it, shouldn't we?" I asked him.

He nodded and put half of the money on the table, and I put the rest.

When we got into the car, there was a highly erotic make-out session before we gained the strength to take it back to his apartment.

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**Sorry guys. Thanksgiving craziness. I tried realllly hard, mmkay?**

**AND BLANK I BETTER SEE A REVIEW FROM YOU!!! b/c i luff u. :333**


	10. Chapter 10

***sigh***

**Sorry, I am aware that it has been more than two months since I updated.**

**I am aware that chapter 9 was a fail.**

**I AM SORRY. Give me a break. A lot has happened since then.**

**I have fixed that all in chapter 10 here, the LAST chapter. Okie? Okie.**

**AND GUESS WHO BETA'D THIS ONE???**

** on sppf. THANK YOU SWEETIE!!!!!!!**

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Too bright.

My god, why is it so damn _bright _in here? Did we forget to put down the shades or something?

I opened my eyes slowly. Yes, the windows had no curtains or blinds covering them. When had we forgotten to-

Oh.

Oh.

A rush of memories of the night before collapsed on me. How did I forget that for a split second?

I turned to look at Ash, but saw nothing, as he wasn't still in bed. The damned light must've woken him up. Why didn't I just get up afterward and close the blinds…?

Whatever. I was just a little distracted at the time.

But how could I _not _be?

I yawned and sat up. Ash took his boxers and pants, but his shirt was still on the floor, next to my clothes. I considered putting his shirt on, then decided just to slip on my pants and forget about the rest.

After I was more or less dressed, I moseyed on to the kitchen, where Ash was cooking something. I became drawn to him. He heard my footsteps, and turned around. There was a silence as we just stared at each other.

"C'mere," I said, walking over to our couch. I sat down, followed by him sitting next to me.

He stared at me with confused eyes. He didn't know whether to be scared or eager.

I took a deep breath. "Ash, I think we should come out to Dawn."

A smile spread across his face.

"I can't deal with this anymore. I'm cheating on Dawn, and, in a way, I'm cheating on you. It's time to make the decision, and I chose you."

His smile turned from warm to excited and happy, as he threw his arms around me. I slightly laughed and gave him a soft kiss.

"When are we gonna do it?" He asked me, before pulling away.

"I don't know…I was hoping soon."

"Why don't you see if she can come over here at some point? I would love to help you confess."

"I was hoping you'd say that. I can't really do it alone."

"Just call her and tell her to come over here."

"Really? Today?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Maybe he was right. Maybe she should just come over here now. After we put shirts on, that is. "All right."

He hugged me again. I could tell right then that he'd been waiting for this for awhile. Too long. "Can I call her?"

"She might not pick up for you, since she's all groggy and all, but go ahead. I'm gonna go put a shirt on."

"Okay."

Back in the bedroom, I considered putting boxers on, but decided against it, as they'd just be in the way later. I pulled my shirt on and grabbed his for him. I went back to the kitchen where Ash was on the phone. I stood behind him and ran my hands up and down his bare chest.

"So, how about you come over to my apartment? It'll only take a second," he said into the phone. I couldn't quite make out what Dawn said, it just sounded like a whimper. "Whenever you feel up to it, really." He assured her. There was a pause, then Dawn said 'yes.' They both said their goodbyes and Ash hung up.

"So did you get a hold of her?" I asked him softly.

"Yeah," he replied, "she's leaving in about a half hour, getting here in about an hour from now."

"That's nice of her."

"Yes," he turned around and kissed me firmly.

* * *

There was a light knock on the door. We didn't hear it. She knocked again. We didn't hear that, either. She finally knocked with some effort. That time we heard it. We both looked up at the door, then looked at each other. I climbed off of him and we scrambled to find our clothing.

"Paul, where's my shirt?"

"Um…bedroom." We were on the floor between our couch and the TV.

"Damn…."

I stood up and made a weak attempt to fix my hair, which was sticking up in all directions. I spent way too long fixing Ash's, however. He eventually batted my hand away and got the door.

"Hello, Dawn. Come in." He said sweetly.

"A-Ash...where is your shirt?" She asked slowly.

"Let's just sit down and get to what we were going to tell you." I said before he could answer that. I grabbed a chair from the kitchen and brought it over to our couch, motioning for Dawn to sit on it. She was already suspicious. I didn't blame her.

I sat down on our couch and so did he. I looked Dawn in the eye. "Dawn, there's something I've been hiding from you."

She bit her lip.

I could tell she was hoping, praying, that it wasn't what I was about to tell her.

"I…I'm afraid we can't be together anymore."

Silence. She was waiting for me to finish.

"I have found out that I am gay." I told her, nice and straightforward.

I could hear her breathing, and saw her look at Ash, then back at me, and back again.

"Have you been cheating on me?" She asked me, her voice cracking.

"I have," I admitted.

She looked at her shirtless friend who sat next to me, and looked at my neck, which had a dark red bite mark on it, and my hair, which was still messed up.

"Ash…really?" It was directed at him. "You're supposed to be my friend, and you go behind my back and help my boyfriend cheat on me? I mean, what is that?"

"Stop, it's not his fault," I told her. "If you're gonna yell at anyone, yell at me."

"I always knew you were gay," she told me. "I always knew it, but I denied it."

I wonder why.

"How long has this been going on?"

We looked at each other. Honestly, neither of us had been keeping track of the days and nights. They all seemed to mush together.

"Fine then, I don't need to know. You could've been cheating on me for years, it doesn't matter now."

She was taking this way too well. "Dawn, promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise me that you will never hurt yourself. Because really, I do love you. Just not in that way. If you did anything to hurt yourself, I'd never get over it."

She started crying, just like that. She just started sobbing, like one of those thunderstorms in the middle of a nice day. I wasn't sure whether to hold her or leave her to stop. I offered my arms to her, but she shook her head.

"I always knew," she whispered, when she had calmed down. "I always knew this would happen someday. But I loved you too much to abandon you."

"Don't hate me, Dawn," Ash begged.

"I don't hate you," she admitted, "I am just unhappy with you. But oh well, nothing I can do now." She was sniffling and her voice was high and tight. She stood up. "Unless there's anything else you want to tell me, I guess I should get going now."

I hugged her tightly before she left.

"Damn, if she kills herself I'll be pretty fucking depressed." I announced.

"You did a good job, there."

"Thanks."

There was a silence.

"…Paul?"

"Yes, Ash?" I sat back down next to him, close enough for our thighs to touch.

"You know how you told her you loved her…."

I laughed, "Yes, I love you, Ash. Very much."

He smiled and hugged me. "Well when you didn't say it back to me last night I-"

I cut him off by pressing my lips to his.

"I really do love you."

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**Aww.**

**And that's it….**

**Happy? Angry? Hit the review button…except, not if you are angry. Don't review if you are angry with me.**

**I might write an alternate ending…I don't know. I might.**

**For those of you that I told there would be a lemon in here…I'm sorry, I wasn't up for it. Don't hate me.**

**Have a happy Easter, all!**

**:3**


	11. Alternate ending 1

**Alternate ending? YES!**

**It starts right where chapter 9 left off, so if you forget how that went, since it's been so long, you might wanna read the end of it over again.**

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When we got into Ash's apartment, He didn't seem to want to make out too much, since he kept pushing me away. I asked him what was wrong, and he didn't tell me. He told me that he wasn't really in the mood, and that I should wait it out. I sighed, and sat on our couch to watch TV. He didn't even join me, he just went to the bedroom and closed the door.

Geez.

What'd I do to him?

I began pondering if he was _really _just at a store when I called him. Was he with someone else? Was he avoiding me? There had to be a reason he would lie to me about where he was. But what was it?

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When my eyes cracked open, I was still in the living room, on our couch. Ash was standing above me, watching me.

"What?"

"I want to talk to you," he said, simply. My heart immediately began to pound. I denied what I knew was coming in every way possible. But nothing worked. "Sit up."

I obeyed, and he sat next to me. He stared deep into my eyes. "Paul, I can't so this anymore."

Why did he have to be so straightforward? No, don't be straightforward! Give me time to prepare for it! Don't just drop it on me like that! Please, please, don't do this to me!

"I can't keep doing this to you and Dawn. You know, you are a great person, and I love everything about you. I love your hair, how soft it is and shiny, I love your eyes, how they look into mine, and I love your lips, how they taste when you're kissing me. I can see why she loves you, I really can. I don't see why anyone _wouldn't _love you. But I just _can't _do this, I-"

"Why the hell not? If you love me so fucking much, why the hell can't you do this? Huh?"

He sighed. "Let me finish. I can't do this _because _I love you. And because I love Dawn. And it was fun while it lasted, but this can't turn into anything serious, I've known that from the start. There's no way I'd let you cheat on Dawn for more than a few days, and for a _guy _that happens to be one of her _best friends_. Just _think _about that! Think about what you're doing to Dawn right now! Sitting next to me on this cou-"

"_Our _couch." I didn't mean to interrupt him, but I couldn't control myself.

"No, Paul. _This _couch. Sitting next to me on this couch, in my apartment, staring at me like I'm your favorite food. Imagine if she were here right now, how would she feel?"

"Ash, I don't care about her. I care about _you_. I care about _you_ so damn much that I don't even know what I would do if you left me. Don't do this, Ash, we can make this better, we can-"

"_No _Paul. No."

"We can run away. She'll never know. O-or we can write her a letter, or we-"

"Shut up!"

I shut up.

"Paul, please. Don't make this something it doesn't need to be. We are supposed to all be friends. _Straight _friends."

God, I hated the way he said that.

"You are supposed to be with Dawn and I am supposed to be the supporting friend. We are not supposed to be secret _gay _lovers."

"What? Now our life is all planned out for us? That's what this is? A movie? A story? A _fanfiction _that someone's writing? Things have to turn out perfect? Well they already didn't. So why are you trying to undo something so…so _wonderful_, Ash?"

Then he hugged me. He held me so tightly. It was beautiful. But he let go too soon. Far too soon.

"This is for the best, Paul. I promise." He whispered. "Now, go home."

I rose from the couch silently and made my way to the door. I looked back at him, his perfect face, watching me as I left.

"We'll still be friends?"

"Best friends," he replied with confidence.

Before I could stop myself, I ran to him and grabbed him around the waist, forcing my lips to his. I kissed him hungrily, _desperately_. He kissed me back.

It ended. I saw tears in his eyes matching the saliva coating his chin. _My _saliva.

Then I ran. I ran out the door before he could see how broken I was. How _wounded _I was.

* * *

"Paul? What are you doing here?"

She looked horrible. Her hair was a mess and she looked like she could barely stand in her doorway. I scooped her up and walked her to the bedroom, setting her down and sitting next to her. I pulled her into my lap and nuzzled her neck.

"What's wrong, Paul?" She asked me softly.

"I love you," I said into her neck and hair. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too. What's wrong, you miss me?"

"I wanted to be with you one last time," I mumbled.

"What?"

I lifted my head. "I wanted to be with you one last time."

"Last, what are you-"

I kissed her softly. She kissed me back weakly.

"Goodbye. And thank you," I got of her bed and walked out of the room. She jumped up and followed me. I walked out the door quickly and slammed it in her face. She swung it open, but I was already in my car. She ran after me, but I was driving too fast. She screamed my name, and tripped on something, falling to the cold, hard ground. She lay there, watching as I drove away from her.

I ran into my apartment, and ran to the bathroom. I swung the medicine cabinet open, grabbing every kind of pill I owned. I stuffed them in my mouth and swallowed them, one by one. The rest of the Advil, gone. The rest of the Tylenol, gone. The new bottle of Tylenol, gone. I fell to the ground, clutching my stomach. I tried to throw up, but I couldn't. I could hardly do anything, including breathe. I stared into the light, shining so brightly. Stupid florescent bulb. It burned a green spot in my vision, and I fluttered my eyelids, just to se it change from purple to green with every blink. Slowly, it dissolved in the black vortex that was swallowing me, just like I swallowed the medicine. I smiled, knowing that Ash and Dawn didn't have to worry about me anymore. I smiled, knowing that Ash would miss me like hell and feel like a bastard. He deserved it, anyway.

* * *

**I don't know, I'm in a weird mood, so….**


End file.
